I know I've been away

For like ages. Mainly it is because things are kind of hard right now. Still no proper job, working six days a week, spending my time applying to jobs. It's all rather unglamorous and a bit depressing. And who wants to read that? And, I really don't want to write all about that. Blah.

But, things will have to change soon, whether I get a job in London, or have to move on to my next destination (which, I so don't want to do, but the reality of economics may force me to). And I'll be back boring all of you with my life.

In the meantime, keep the faith, pray, or send me good vibes, that I'll get a job in London.

Some of the Best of London 2008

I have chronicled my past year in London, and have written about the good and the bad. But, I thought it would be nice to "show" everyone why I love London, and why I'm trying so hard to stay here. Whenever I look at them, I am hit over the head with the realisation that I DO LIVE IN LONDON. Sometimes I can't believe it. These pictures won't do London justice, and they certainly can't show the parts that can't be quantified, but I do hope you enjoy them.   So, without further adieu, here's London (and Scotland): 2008

Saying Good-Bye, It's Not Getting Easier

I've recently returned to London after three great weeks in Missouri.  I had been almost a year since I was home, and despite a few changes to the landscape, most everything was the same. And it was great.  I love how home is always the same for me; I know what my house is going to smell like, I know where the floorboard creaks, and I just generally feel comfortable there. I love seeing my Mom, Dad, and sisters.  I love hanging out with my friends who really 'get me,' and I love not having to be so outgoing to meet people. After a year where I struggled in many areas, it was nice to take a break from all the worry.  It was basically my own version Cheers, since everybody knew my name. A few people even cried out, "Sara!" when I entered the room. 

After the holiday, where I got to see many people, but not everyone, I had to go through the whole process of saying good-bye again.  It was not easy.  I was just getting used to being home and seeing my family and friends when it was over.  Although I wanted to go back to London, and I missed London, it was very difficult knowing it would, most likely, be at least a year before I saw many people again.  

I have been thinking, as I re-adjust to being in London, that ever since I went away to school at 18, my life has filled with saying good-bye a lot. First it was to my family and a whole way of life, and then at the end of each year of school, good-bye to all my friends.  Then there was that big good-bye to college life and Truman State University.  Good-bye to all my friends from various work places when I left, good-bye when I left for (and from) Jamaica, and now again bye, bye, bye. And sometime, I'll probably have to say good-bye to London.  And after all of this practice, it's not really getting easier.  I still cry when I have to do it, and I still miss people and places, when I'm not with them.   All the time, actually, no matter where I am. I'm not depressed about it, I realized this is just how it is.   A price, I suppose, for moving around. 

Still, there is a reason why I keep doing it, and it has a lot to do with my desire to try new things and push the limits of my comfort zone.  While the past year was hard, it has also been an incredible learning experience.  It has allowed me to meet people I never would have, and learn so much about myself.  The trade-off of course is that the more people I meet and grow close to, the more people I will eventually have to miss.  But, I have decided, that I'd rather miss than miss out on something because I was afraid to say good-bye.  I think, in some sort of way, the difficulty of saying good-bye is a very real signal that all of this worth it for me.   And that all of you who are increasingly scattered around the world, and that I never get to see enough, have helped to make it that way. Because, if it hard for me to say good-bye to you, then the time we spent together really meant something.  Each good-bye is a representation of both beginning and ending, but more importantly, all that comes in between, the proof that I truly am making connections, learning, and growing.

That was the year that was...

2008 was an interesting kind of year for me, one with a whole heck of a lot of fun, and yet also a lot of time feeling pretty low. I entered a new decade, and after freaking out about it for two years, have discovered that it isn’t so bad. I realized that much of the freaking out was based more on what or where I thought I should be at this time in my life. Once I understood that it was simply a milestone on my journey of life I should be glad I was able to have, I felt better. (Yes, I just typed journey of life in all seriousness. I suspect the “anti-cheese” police are now hot on my tail.) In fact, turning the big 3-0, helped me take myself more seriously, and I’ve noticed others do as well. I’m slowly figuring out that getting older isn’t the most awful thing, because while it does come with wrinkles, it also brings experience, confidence, and a better understanding of who you are. Plus, I’ve started to find wrinkles fascinating, which I guess is good, since I’m probably getting new ones daily.

2008 brought the successfully completion of my MA, with grades that weren’t quite what I hoped, probably what I deserved, and good enough for me to be content. I finally got to France, and Paris, and the Eiffel Tower, and the Arc de Triomphe, which I have been dreaming about since sixth grade. I developed friendships with some great people, and with these people I traveled to 5 countries (3 on one trip!) and 2 continents. Two of my best friends from the States came to London, and good times and trip to Scotland were had (the good times included the trip to Scotland). I queued in the line for Wimbledon, sat at Centre Court, and had strawberries & crème. I “flew” the London Eye a few times, started to learn the underground and bus system, and began volunteering with some great people. I moved into a new flat, lucked out in the flat mate department, took some deep breaths and begin to make new friends, and I am still in love with London.

I also struggled a lot in 2008, the first struggle being learning how it is to live so far away from friends and family for so long. Then, in September, after seeing the last of my classmates off, I was really alone. I had to take some chances, go to some places by myself, and trust that there are nice people who will like me everywhere. I also struggled mightily on the job front, sending out over 30 applications, and being rejected by all 30. I have never been quite so financially restrained, nor had this tough of a time finding a job. After all when you are rejected by the industry you worked in for four years, you really start to appreciate the times you had a job, a paycheck, and some financial peace of mind.

I never really make official New Years resolutions, and the ones I unofficially make tend to be of the kind that ask of me to sort of change who I am, what I look like, or how I act. I’ve read many places that most New Year’s resolutions have been broken by the third week of January or so. I suspect this is for many reasons, but probably because people view resolutions, as the chance to become a different person, and that, my friends, will nearly always fail. But, I have decided to make a list of things that I’d like to work on for the next year, things that I already am, or can be (or can have or can do), but that require a little patience, a little hard work, and/or a little being open to new possibilities. So, without further adieu, here is my list of things I’ll be working on:

1) Find a job that I will not dread going to work/can pay the bills with (maybe not in that order)
2) Live within my means and start building up my savings
3) Continue to work to build relationships in London
4) Try and keep my room clean (I think this will be on my list for all of eternity, but I work each year to do it)
5) Take French lessons, or at least listen to French podcasts, to begin my journey back to fluency
6) Write and blog on a more regular basis
7) Travel within Europe this year (obviously dependent on numbers 1 & 2)
8) Work to stay in better touch with my friends not in London
9) Read a few more books
10) Read a little less internet

So, to all my old acquaintances and all my new ones, I wish all of you a very Happy New Year, and if 2008 was great for you, I wish 2009 to be just a great, and if 2008 kind of sucked, well, let’s hope that 2009 can only be better.

Cheers.

Almost Home

I'm almost home for the holidays! I am sitting in the Toronto airport and will be boarding in a few minutes. I know I've been terribly silent on this blog, but I've been trying to sort out the London situation. And while it isn't perfectly sorted, I am headed back after Christmas!

All the stress was just making it so difficult for me to spend energy on anything else than making that decision. So, now that it's made, let the posting commence. Maybe even this week!

In the meantime, Happy Holidays!

Happy Thanksgiving

Although I am working today, and England doesn't know it's supposed to be giving me a long weekend for turkey and shopping, I wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving. 

I know times are hard for me, and for many.  Despite this, I give thanks to my family and friends who are always behind me, supporting me, and wishing me the best!  

The one in which I am still emotional over

It's been a little over two weeks since that little thing called our election happened.  My election night tale, from across the pond, included a lot of crying. Which should come as absolutely no shock to anyone who knows me.  After all, some claim, I once cried during a Sally Jesse Raphael show. To that I answer: I plead the Fifth.  

I cried a lot on this election day, finally out of happiness and not disappointment.  I cried because the beauty of all those very different looking people from across the country coming together in Chicago, Atlanta, New York, and all those other places I didn't see, to celebrate what I can only describe as a Super Bowl win for the whole country.   I cried because the country made history in the best kind of way, by doing something that seemed impossible before this night.  I cried when I saw all those people waiting to vote and wanting to actually be part of something, and I cried when thinking about how important youth (which, according to who you ask, I may or may not still be part of) were, and how engaged they became. I especially cried when looking at those Kenyan people, who truly live in a different world than most of us in the so-called developed world do, and their jubilation at the role their country played in making this president, and I cried at the symbolism, because I always cry at symbolism, of those two countries, Kenya and U.S., working together to make a president. I cried when looking at that beautiful new first family, because what has always made America the "land of opportunity" is this idea that all can be American, despite background, wealth, or color,  and at least at this moment, that felt true. 

I cried because in 1998 one of my college professors asked how many of us thought a woman would be president in our lifetime, and about two of us (including me) raised our hands.  And while a woman didn't win this time, I believe it will happen in my lifetime. Because in the lifetime of my parents and grandparents, Black people were systematically kept from voting, and now a person who would have been kept from voting is president. And while racism is most certainly not dead, it did sustain a blow that will hopefully one day lead to its death. I hope that there are little kids out there from households in America that are a little different from our own, who believe they too can be president one day, even if they are Muslim, or gay, or marginalized in other ways. And I will know that racism, and its twin, intolerance, really are on death's doorstep when that little kid becomes president in 2048, and we can point to 2008 when things began to change. 

 I cried at John McCain's speech, which was gracious and humble, and I was reminded why I  once liked him.  And I cried during Obama's speech, especially at the part where he talked about humility, because we all could stand to be a bit more humble in our lives. 

I know there is much work to do in the country, and that one man can not fix it all. Expectations are exceedingly high, and I suspect it will take exactly one week from inauguration for the punditry to began in on all he is doing wrong, and I will know life is just where it should be. But right now, I'm focusing on the moment, and the joy of it.  

Here are two videos, the first is of the coverage on the BBC that I watched, calling the race (and I am sorry the video is so bad, but for some reason this is all I could find). I doubt I will ever be able to watch this clip without crying for the rest of my life. The second, from Obama's speech, reaching out to those that didn't vote for him.  It so markedly different from talk of political capital to spend, and I hope for all those that didn't vote for Obama, it helped assure them that he wants to work for you too, since, as he famously once said, there is not a Red America or a Blue America, just a United States of America. 

Video 1:

Video 2:

(my favorite part starts around 8 minutes in)