I've recently returned to London after three great weeks in Missouri. I had been almost a year since I was home, and despite a few changes to the landscape, most everything was the same. And it was great. I love how home is always the same for me; I know what my house is going to smell like, I know where the floorboard creaks, and I just generally feel comfortable there. I love seeing my Mom, Dad, and sisters. I love hanging out with my friends who really 'get me,' and I love not having to be so outgoing to meet people. After a year where I struggled in many areas, it was nice to take a break from all the worry. It was basically my own version Cheers, since everybody knew my name. A few people even cried out, "Sara!" when I entered the room.
After the holiday, where I got to see many people, but not everyone, I had to go through the whole process of saying good-bye again. It was not easy. I was just getting used to being home and seeing my family and friends when it was over. Although I wanted to go back to London, and I missed London, it was very difficult knowing it would, most likely, be at least a year before I saw many people again.
I have been thinking, as I re-adjust to being in London, that ever since I went away to school at 18, my life has filled with saying good-bye a lot. First it was to my family and a whole way of life, and then at the end of each year of school, good-bye to all my friends. Then there was that big good-bye to college life and Truman State University. Good-bye to all my friends from various work places when I left, good-bye when I left for (and from) Jamaica, and now again bye, bye, bye. And sometime, I'll probably have to say good-bye to London. And after all of this practice, it's not really getting easier. I still cry when I have to do it, and I still miss people and places, when I'm not with them. All the time, actually, no matter where I am. I'm not depressed about it, I realized this is just how it is. A price, I suppose, for moving around.
Still, there is a reason why I keep doing it, and it has a lot to do with my desire to try new things and push the limits of my comfort zone. While the past year was hard, it has also been an incredible learning experience. It has allowed me to meet people I never would have, and learn so much about myself. The trade-off of course is that the more people I meet and grow close to, the more people I will eventually have to miss. But, I have decided, that I'd rather miss than miss out on something because I was afraid to say good-bye. I think, in some sort of way, the difficulty of saying good-bye is a very real signal that all of this worth it for me. And that all of you who are increasingly scattered around the world, and that I never get to see enough, have helped to make it that way. Because, if it hard for me to say good-bye to you, then the time we spent together really meant something. Each good-bye is a representation of both beginning and ending, but more importantly, all that comes in between, the proof that I truly am making connections, learning, and growing.
