Is Sara Interesting?

The year that was

2012-02-12T12:00:00.000Z

A year ago today, I left London, unwillingly, sadly, and not on my own terms. Here are some thoughts, on what followed...

When the clock struck midnight last year, and we turned the page on 2011, I felt a sense of relief at putting that year behind me. 2011 began with hope at where I was headed, and 2011 ended, well, with hope at where I am headed. In between those two midnights however, there were a lot of hopeless midnights, where I felt the only place I was headed was further down into a well of black.

I had big plans last January, that included career advancement, European travel, and truly becoming a Londoner, and not a long-term visitor. Whilst, I was still reeling from my Grandma's unexpected death in December, I could easily see the positive road ahead. For the most part things were good. I had worked very hard to get to this place; months of low-paying jobs, nights spent unsure of my place, and struggles to understand English education at my job. I had spent so much of my time in London feeling uncertainty of job, money, and friends, I knew that was soon coming to an end. After all my hard work, I was almost there, just one more hurdle. The one I thought was surely the easiest, after finding a job, fighting to ensure that job stayed funded, developing my 'urban-family' support system, and learning my way around. I had done everything I was supposed to do, and soon, I'd be on my way.

Then February began and well, it all fell apart. The work visa wasn't coming, it was easier to get rid of me than fight for me, and a mere twelve days later, I was saying good-bye to the city, the life, that had become home. So, I headed back to my other home, where I had to figure out what was next. I had to figure out what you do when you've done everything,when you worked hard, when it still isn't enough. What you do when you miss your new home so much, but don't want to hurt those in your old home who just want to help you. What you do when you lived in a capital city and are forced to move back to the small town. What you do when you get accused of being superior, when the truth is simply that your experiences have changed you. What you do when your career is snatched away, and you have to find a new one. What you do when you hate being stuck inside, but don't want to be outside either. What you do when you feel betrayed, but still miss that which betrayed you, all the same. What you do when feel stupid for believing it would work out. What you do when you didn't get to say good-bye on your own terms. What you do when you are running out of hope.

I can't say that I have the answer to those questions; the only one I have is that, I think, all you can do is try not to drown in those questions. I think you do have to feel them, and you have to give credence to them. Perhaps, I wallowed, perhaps I spent too much time feeling bad for myself. I don't know. All I know is that the way I kept from drowning was to take the time to cry and be angry and talk about it and feel betrayed. To be grateful that I had some place to go, but still think it is okay that this shouldn't have happened to me. To understand that I am still relatively blessed, but to be mad as hell that this ended the way it did. To let time do what it does and scab over the wounds and let them begin to fade.

In time, I found another job. One in the U.S., but one that I like nonetheless. I have spent time with my family making up for so much time spent away. I celebrated my Mom's 60th birthday and my sister's 30th. I have started to reconnect with friends. I am figuring out what my next steps are. Where I am going; where I am headed.

A year later, I am still sad. Still angry. I still feel betrayed. I still miss London, my friends, and my old life. I am still caught with unexpected waves of nostalgia for a double-decker bus, my independence, and strangely at times, the smells of London. But, not all the time any more. I feel better; I have some hope again.

Songs I Dig: Runaway

2011-03-11T21:31:00.014Z

There are some songs that just stick with me for whatever reason, that I become obsessed with them, and I listen to them over and over. One such example is TV on the Radio's Family Tree --I couldn't get enough of it for awhile--and I can still listen to Tunde Adebimpe's tale of a forbidden love any day of the week. I imagine ghosts connected to the tree keeping the lovers apart.

There are also songs that conjure up certain memories. Like smells, the memory songs can take me back to a particular place and/or time. There is that All Star song by Smash Mouth which makes me think of the summer of 1999, the one before I graduated from college. The last summer before I had to become an adult. It's a stupid song, but it reminds me of that time of fear and excitement and longing.

This is all a preamble to introduce what I intend (hope?) to be at least a semi-regular feature about songs such as those above. I don't have grand illusions that they will all be winners but I do promise to try and feature either a good song or a good story about a song.

So to start off this feature (called, for lack of a better name, Songs I Dig), I dig Runaway by The National. Off of their latest album High Violet (of which I highly recommend), I started listening to the album on my work commutes, and I got hooked on this song in late January/early February. I can't tell you exactly what the song is supposed to mean, though to me it sounds like love and loss. And maybe about the fight to keep the love and not giving up. Seriously, I'm not sure.

Of course, I think the beauty of music is that it doesn't always matter what a song means, or what the writer intended. Sometimes you can make it your own, and the deep, melancholic voice of singer Matt Beringer put sound to how I was feeling in early February. I was reeling from losing London and all that London was for me (friends, experiences, possibilities, making my own way) and feeling completely helpless about it. Lines like, "there's no saving anything," "I'll swallow the sun," and "We've got another thing coming undone," was the poetic version of how I felt. I might not have been running away, but I was going and I was blind-sided, and it felt like everything was closing in, or that I was '"being led to the flood," if you will. I was sad (still am), and I needed a quiet space to feel my loss, and this song provided it.

Yet, when I listen to Runaway now, I smile through my (sometimes figurative) tears. On my last day out in London, I took the bus across the Thames at Vauxhall. Outside my bus window, on a clear day, with Runaway playing in my ears, I had a beautiful view of Parliament, Big Ben, and the river. A most spectacular view, one that each of the countless times I witnessed reminded me of all that I loved of London. That it was my last meaningful look at London (for a little while at least) was a fitting end to three years well spent. And now, Runaway mostly makes me remember that view and my time in London. Which is why I dig it.

To download a live(ish) version of Runaway for free, go here.

TV on the Radio has a new album out in April. You can get a free download of Caffeinated Consciousness here.

Paging 'Cave' Equality

2011-02-22T17:12:00.010Z

These days I am spending a significant amount of time at home during the day. One of the things I am doing, along with soul and job searching, is watching a significant amount of home improvement/house buying television. And let me tell you, there is a lot out there, all designed to entertain the middle class masses. (Which certainly should be a subject for a different post!)

One of the trends I have noticed that appears new to me since last I gorged on these shows, is the idea of a 'man cave.' The term is apparently describing a space for the man of the house (because, it seems this idea is always perpetuated by couples in opposite marriage) to do as he pleases. And while I don't inherently have a problem with couples having their own space or spaces in a house (in fact I think it is a good thing), I find a lot of the talk around man caves to be problematic.

The term man cave has entered the lexicon enough to have its own wikipedia page. The 'man cave' is described as a place "where guys can do as they please without upsetting female sensibilities about the house." The page further talks about how it is 'generally accepted' that women decorate the rest of the house, and men need to create their own space as a reaction to 'feminine domestic power.' These caves, generally full of 'manly items' like electronics (since women do not like electronics, duh), are where they can put their beer can lamps away from the eyes of the guests to the house. The page goes on at length about how the 'women's movement' have left men with identity problems and how they just can't please all the women in the whole wide world who want them to be sensitive and manly. Yes, I am paraphrasing, but I think you'll find I am on the money.

I find this whole dialogue around man caves to be full of fail. To start off with, the idea that women decorate the rest of the house without input or thought of men, is an annoyingly sexist idea. Sure this is the case in some households, but I think it is important to dig just a bit deeper. Traditionally women's identity and power have been almost totally defined by the home, and despite the 'women's movement,' women are still overwhelming the ones expected to keep the home. That men should respond to this 'feminine domestic power' by demanding a man cave rather than looking at that inequality, shows a lot of unchecked privilege. For a show to perpetuate this idea, sell it as not only as an accepted, but a coveted norm, make the move for gender equality in the home more difficult.

In all of the discussions of man caves, I have rarely (I won't say never, since as soon as I say never, someone will tell me I'm wrong) seen discussion about a 'woman cave.' And while I shudder to think what home shows would propose to be in these caves (sewing? scrapbooking? vacuum cleaner?), the idea that men need to get away from the womenz, continues to advance the idea of women as nagging, controlling, shrews. Ones that won't 'let' a grown man have his buddies over for a poker game, watch football, or play video games. It also seems to implicitly say that women don't really need their own space, that women would never need time away from their husbands or children.

The whole man cave idea assumes that couples of the heterosexual nature are made up of stereotypes. The wife-as-mother married to the man-child. It doesn't consider that a relationship between a woman and man could be equal, that it could be based in love, respect, and communication. It doesn't say that in a couple, both partners need to have time and space from the other one, even in their own home. It assumes couples would never share decisions about the upkeep of their home, and that if one partner does more of the decorating the other is resentful of that. And it assumes that all women care about are how their home looks to others.

I wish that these shows, because they do shape and reflect a certain way of thinking, would talk more about a cave that both halves could use for time away. That this cave is a safe space from the pressure to look a certain way, a place that is comfortable and fun, a place free from judgement. A place that was respected for alone time, but could be shared sometimes too. Wouldn't it be great if the pop culture narrative from these shows was more evolved than this!

Trailblazers

2011-02-15T16:32:00.009Z

I share my birthday with some pretty cool people, including Galileo and Susan B. Anthony. (Also, Jo Miller, a poker player, and a girl I went to high school with--all cool in their own right.) Most of you know Galileo, he who the Church condemned for daring to support the theory that the Sun and not the Earth was at the center of the universe. He has been hailed as being responsible for modern science, and is enshrined in pop culture by both Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody and in the song Galileo by the Indigo Girls. If Queen sings about you, I think that makes you cool.

Most Americans know, or should know, Susan B. Anthony. A Quaker who campaigned for various social justice causes, the most well-known being Women's Suffrage in America. Famously working with Elizabeth Cady Stanton they created the organisation that would become the National American Woman Suffrage Association (NAWSA), and lobbied tirelessly for a constitutional amendment. Susan B. Anthony was once arrested for voting; she never paid the fine. Susan B. Anthony was immortalized on a US dollar coin, which is pretty darn cool.

Galileo and Susan B. Anthony were long dead by the time they got their justly deserved comeuppance. In the 1990s, the Church apologised for making Galileo recant what was later found out to be basically the truth, and in 1920 the 19th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified, using the original language written by Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton. Their largest legacy is that they helped to create a new world of sorts. One where scientific study and reason was the norm over religious mania. One where women were allowed to exercise a basic democratic right that helps to ensure their rights as citizens. I would wager to say that in the 21st century we must continue to fight for both principles.

I make no claims on ever getting into a pop song, or becoming money, but I do hope that some of what I do can make a difference. Each year on February 15th, I am inspired of these two trailblazers that came before me, and hope that I can blaze a small trail of my own.

Happy New Year, 2011 Style

2011-01-02T22:30:00.003Z

2010 was an interesting year for me. It was completely brilliant and totally challenging. It brought me great joy and great sadness.

All of that left me really tired and worn out and not feeling like I could write. Also, I was afraid the answer to the Is Sara Interesting question would be no, she's just a bit boring. A result was this blog was silent for the whole of 2010. I'm quite sad about that and the plan is to get it back up and running in 2011. Well, the resolution is to start writing more (or ahem, again) and hopefully some of that will end up here. I've started by picking a new blog style for now. I liked the old one, but thought something new could be fun.

For now I'm processing the start of another year, and how I am going to complete this resolution. As well as some others. I'll report back!

The ups and downs of the journey...

2009-11-11T14:21:00.002Z

This is only my seventh post in 2009, and it is already November; I’m not even averaging once a month. This post is basically why I haven’t written much this year, which goes way beyond the standard ‘I’ve been busy line,’ but because I was dealing with a lot. I do hope that I’ve reached a point where I can begin blogging more often, that I feel up to it and have the necessary mental and time capacity. I’ve been wanting to write this post for at least two months if not more, and writing it is a bit like getting the monkey off my back and putting the past year behind me.

If you read my last post, you know I got a job in London after months of looking. And the looking was really hard and painful and discouraging. I applied to nearly 80 jobs, mostly in the non-profit sector, a fair few in the educational sector, and even a few in the business sector. [From an American perspective, 80 may not seem like that many jobs for all that time applying, but applying was about way more than simply sending in a resume and cover letter. For each job I wanted to apply to, I had to fill out an organisational-specific application, which normally wasn’t formatted very well, which meant a lot of re-formatting on my part in order for the application to show up properly. Within each application, I would have to invariably type out job titles and tasks, figuring out how to tailor each job or internship of my past to the specific needs of the organisation and job. Beyond this, I would have to write a personal statement extolling the merits of Sara, and why I should be hired.] [Also, if you are wondering why I now organise with an s and not a z, it was because I decided it would be best to try and be as English as possible, and I now work for an English organisation—I’m not deliberately being pretentious. I’m sure a month back in the States will knock it out of me.] It is absolutely not an exaggeration to say that each of these applications took, on average, four hours. This is on top of the five to six days a week I was working (often having to get up at 5:30 am, and you know I ain’t no morning person), as well as searching for jobs on a daily basis.

While the physical exhaustion was great, frankly, it was the mental exhaustion that I am still recovering from. I was told, (or often not told but my application went ignored) that ‘on this occasion I had not been selected for an interview,’ or that I didn’t have enough experience, or thanks but not thanks. I wasn’t shooting for the stars: I was applying for jobs that did not require the MA degree I just worked for, in jobs that barely paid above the poverty line. I applied to jobs that I had experience in, and in jobs that weren’t jobs, but volunteering in prestigious organisations, where I would not get paid but hoped to get an ‘in’. (I have a lot to say about this, but that’s for another post). From all of this, I had five interviews, and not a single one was with a NGO or non-profit. Not one.

All of this alone would have been enough to shake my confidence, I’m sure, but add the recession, the constant worry about money (I was the very definition of scraping by), and no existing social or family safety net, and to say my spirit was beaten down would be an understatement. There were so many nights where I would lay awake with worry, cry myself to sleep, or just simply wanted to go home. I think half the reason why I didn’t book a ticket was because I’d have to walk downstairs and the prospect of physically moving was out of the question. It was something I couldn’t articulate well over the phone or in an email, making it difficult for family and friends to help from the other side of the world. They tried, and they did help, because I always knew they were there. My flatmate (who is now on her own adventure, and has now moved solidly and forever into the ‘one of the best my friends’ category) spent hours upon hours listening and reminding me that I was in fact not a worthless person. The few other people who I have managed to make a connection with in this country encouraged me as well, and for that I am grateful. Without these people, I’m not sure I would have made it in London.

I recently went through and read some of my old posts on this blog. I remembered writing about searching for a peace within myself that I tried as hard as I could to make it work in London. When I wrote that post, I was miles away from that actual inner peace. It was somewhere I wanted to be, and at that point knowing it was half the battle. I was slowly coming to grips with the very real idea that I might have to leave London, that it didn’t actually matter what I wanted, or how educated I was, but that economics would drive me out. For a few months (around February to May) I was really angry with that. There weren’t many jobs to apply for, both because of the economy and because I began to eliminate almost any job to apply for that I wasn’t over qualified for. I didn’t try and explain how my skills were transferable, because I knew that at least 100 other people would have direct skills. The number of jobs I applied to within that period dropped because I was just so discouraged. There was a lot of self-examination and a lot of putting things into context. I began to really look at the concept of privilege, which is what perhaps let me get to a place where leaving London wasn’t the end of the world. So, I moved into a sad acceptance of the way it was, and mentally prepared to leave London at the beginning of September, when my lease was up and the lack of fundage would be critical.

Somewhere in that sad acceptance I got a second (or maybe a fourth) wind to give it one last go. A few more jobs were showing up that I could see myself qualified for, and letting go of the worry about if I would have to leave (because, I almost surely would have to) freed up some mental space. I was still tired all the time, and still worried about money, and still sad about leaving, but that particular fight was gone. It was freeing. Maybe that’s what allowed me to ‘see it.’ A job I knew I was highly qualified for, a job that I would like, working with students similar to my job at USM. Certainly that’s why I got excited. In fact, there were several jobs at this one organisation, and I started to think ‘surely I can get one of them’. Which was so different from the ‘surely I’ll never get one’ narrative working in my brain for so long. I think letting go of the anger about leaving London, left me some space for the positive. It was not easy, and sometimes I don’t know how I did it. And it took a long time, about 8 months in fact. But that positive feeling showed up in my energy level, and I think it showed up in my application, and it most certainly helped me in my interview.

The most interesting part of this is that the job that got me excited is not actually the one I got. It wasn’t even for the same organisation. The one I got I almost didn’t apply for, because I was afraid it was completely beyond my reach. But, because I needed to know I had done all I could, I went for it. And in the most extreme case of luck literally changing over night, I actually got two interviews in the same week. I only got one job offer, weirdly the one I thought I had no chance at. It still hurt a little to not get the other job offer, but truly it is about perspective. I was able to rationalize why I didn’t get the job, because I realise it could be that I don’t have enough experience, or it could be that I didn’t give it my all because I had the other job already, or it was just how the cookie crumbled on that one day. I felt dishonest feeling this way, like it was too easy to accept this. Yes, I was now on the other side, almost a traitor to my former self—where was the pain at not getting the job that should be there. I didn’t get that it was much bigger than one job offer. I think that feeling was truly earned. I think the blows to my confidence; to my very being that I worked through earned me the right to be okay with not being offered two jobs in one week. Because one job, one job that I knew I had the real potential to love, one job that would pay my bills, help me begin to get out of debt, and let me enjoy London, was enough. I was lucky, and thankful, and most of all relieved that it actually went my way when I was sure it wouldn’t.

And now here I am almost four months later. I am working in London, working with students, training and developing, and doing things I really like. The destination of the past ten months, the job, has not been a panacea to every bad thought I felt the past 10 months, and I don’t feel happy 100% of the time. I didn’t think it would. I still have very few people I feel like I can really trust or count on. I’ve had a few incidents that have shaken me lately, and tend to feel like I generally don’t rate very high on most people’s lists. But, I feel a million times better than I did, and when I get the urge to complain, I have tried to do it gratefully.

When I write about myself on this blog, I find it difficult to figure out how to articulate certain things. How do I say it was really hard, while making it clear I understand that the fact that I was living in London with an MA is a certain privilege? Heck, that I can view this experience as learning one and not one which plunged me into debt for all times, is a privilege. How do I explain that I understand my experience isn’t universal? Most importantly, how do not sound like this is a ‘just work hard and you’ll get what you want’ story? Because many people work hard, and don’t get much. I got lucky, both by birth and by accident. I don’t know if I articulated that well, but I do know it's true.

So I suppose to sum up nearly 2000 words there is this: The past year has been one of the most difficult times of my life. I think it is because I’ve been ready to tackle some issues that I might not have in the past, to challenge the way I have always thought, and to go through a process of discovery. To work for something in a way I have not in the past, to understand the difference between true complaints and whining. This past year in all its warts, its tears, its pain, has also been one of the most necessary in discovering what I am capable of and what my worth is as a person. The past year has been a very literal representation of ‘the journey.’ I don’t think all journeys need to be so painful, and I also know they don’t all end the way mine did. If my destination would have been different, I don’t know what this post would have looked like. The journey may not be more important than the destination, but it helps you recognise the destination for it is: the opportunity to rest, reflect, and let yourself off the hook because boy you sure did try, and then, to gear up for the next journey. Because, soon enough, there will be another one to begin. I do hope that my next one isn’t so painful, but if it is half as educational it will be worth it.

Working 9 to 5

2009-07-09T16:15:00.002+01:00

I have some exciting news, which frankly I wasn't sure I'd be able to write. But here they are, some of the sweetest I've written in long time: I GOT A JOB IN LONDON.

Yes, you have read that correctly. I was offered (and obviously accepted) a job working for the National Union of Students (NUS) here in London. I start on the 13th of July and will be working with students. It is similar to the work I did at Saint Mary, and the work I did at Saint Mary is the main reason I was offered the job. It is a one year contract, so I will be in London for at least another year. Whee!

I will have much more to report once I actually start the job. I also hope I will have some fun things to write about now that I will able to do things in London, like go to shows and travel around England and Europe.

Thanks to everyone for their support, prayers, and thoughts. I certainly couldn't have done it without you.

We are the World

2009-07-03T10:51:00.003+01:00

When I was in kindergarten, I remember buying a Michael Jackson button at the Vineland Fun Fair. It was raining that day, so it was in the gym, and the button had a blue background and Michael was in a white jacket (I think). It most likely cost 25 cents, but man was it cool. It was also a really big deal one day during rest time when we got to listen to one of his records, most likely Thriller, (and yes I said record), in Mrs. Hawk's class. These lovely memories, along with good music, have always made me smile with regards to Michael, even as he became, more, ahem, odd. So, I think it only proper that I post a little something to say RIP Michael, albeit a week late. Hey, I was in Dublin!

Of course, if it is the the cheesiest thing ever, that's okay too. But really, what could be better, I ask you, than a little "We are the World?" It is a trip back to the 1980s, (which some of you will recall, were my home), and it really will make you laugh (and laugh) and cry (even if from laughter). But, honestly, I kinda like the song, I love the memories it makes me think of (which may be why I like the song) and for sure it gets stuck in your head.

So, here's to you MJ.

I know I've been away

2009-05-21T10:38:00.004+01:00

For like ages. Mainly it is because things are kind of hard right now. Still no proper job, working six days a week, spending my time applying to jobs. It's all rather unglamorous and a bit depressing. And who wants to read that? And, I really don't want to write all about that. Blah.

But, things will have to change soon, whether I get a job in London, or have to move on to my next destination (which, I so don't want to do, but the reality of economics may force me to). And I'll be back boring all of you with my life.

In the meantime, keep the faith, pray, or send me good vibes, that I'll get a job in London.

Some of the Best of London 2008

2009-01-31T20:42:00.010Z

I have chronicled my past year in London, and have written about the good and the bad. But, I thought it would be nice to "show" everyone why I love London, and why I'm trying so hard to stay here. Whenever I look at them, I am hit over the head with the realisation that I DO LIVE IN LONDON. Sometimes I can't believe it. These pictures won't do London justice, and they certainly can't show the parts that can't be quantified, but I do hope you enjoy them. So, without further adieu, here's London (and Scotland): 2008

Saying Good-Bye, It's Not Getting Easier

2009-01-17T18:41:00.004Z

I've recently returned to London after three great weeks in Missouri. I had been almost a year since I was home, and despite a few changes to the landscape, most everything was the same. And it was great. I love how home is always the same for me; I know what my house is going to smell like, I know where the floorboard creaks, and I just generally feel comfortable there. I love seeing my Mom, Dad, and sisters. I love hanging out with my friends who really 'get me,' and I love not having to be so outgoing to meet people. After a year where I struggled in many areas, it was nice to take a break from all the worry. It was basically my own version Cheers, since everybody knew my name. A few people even cried out, "Sara!" when I entered the room.

After the holiday, where I got to see many people, but not everyone, I had to go through the whole process of saying good-bye again. It was not easy. I was just getting used to being home and seeing my family and friends when it was over. Although I wanted to go back to London, and I missed London, it was very difficult knowing it would, most likely, be at least a year before I saw many people again.

I have been thinking, as I re-adjust to being in London, that ever since I went away to school at 18, my life has filled with saying good-bye a lot. First it was to my family and a whole way of life, and then at the end of each year of school, good-bye to all my friends. Then there was that big good-bye to college life and Truman State University. Good-bye to all my friends from various work places when I left, good-bye when I left for (and from) Jamaica, and now again bye, bye, bye. And sometime, I'll probably have to say good-bye to London. And after all of this practice, it's not really getting easier. I still cry when I have to do it, and I still miss people and places, when I'm not with them. All the time, actually, no matter where I am. I'm not depressed about it, I realized this is just how it is. A price, I suppose, for moving around.

Still, there is a reason why I keep doing it, and it has a lot to do with my desire to try new things and push the limits of my comfort zone. While the past year was hard, it has also been an incredible learning experience. It has allowed me to meet people I never would have, and learn so much about myself. The trade-off of course is that the more people I meet and grow close to, the more people I will eventually have to miss. But, I have decided, that I'd rather miss than miss out on something because I was afraid to say good-bye. I think, in some sort of way, the difficulty of saying good-bye is a very real signal that all of this worth it for me. And that all of you who are increasingly scattered around the world, and that I never get to see enough, have helped to make it that way. Because, if it hard for me to say good-bye to you, then the time we spent together really meant something. Each good-bye is a representation of both beginning and ending, but more importantly, all that comes in between, the proof that I truly am making connections, learning, and growing.

That was the year that was...

2009-01-03T05:31:00.001Z

2008 was an interesting kind of year for me, one with a whole heck of a lot of fun, and yet also a lot of time feeling pretty low. I entered a new decade, and after freaking out about it for two years, have discovered that it isn’t so bad. I realized that much of the freaking out was based more on what or where I thought I should be at this time in my life. Once I understood that it was simply a milestone on my journey of life I should be glad I was able to have, I felt better. (Yes, I just typed journey of life in all seriousness. I suspect the “anti-cheese” police are now hot on my tail.) In fact, turning the big 3-0, helped me take myself more seriously, and I’ve noticed others do as well. I’m slowly figuring out that getting older isn’t the most awful thing, because while it does come with wrinkles, it also brings experience, confidence, and a better understanding of who you are. Plus, I’ve started to find wrinkles fascinating, which I guess is good, since I’m probably getting new ones daily.

2008 brought the successfully completion of my MA, with grades that weren’t quite what I hoped, probably what I deserved, and good enough for me to be content. I finally got to France, and Paris, and the Eiffel Tower, and the Arc de Triomphe, which I have been dreaming about since sixth grade. I developed friendships with some great people, and with these people I traveled to 5 countries (3 on one trip!) and 2 continents. Two of my best friends from the States came to London, and good times and trip to Scotland were had (the good times included the trip to Scotland). I queued in the line for Wimbledon, sat at Centre Court, and had strawberries & crème. I “flew” the London Eye a few times, started to learn the underground and bus system, and began volunteering with some great people. I moved into a new flat, lucked out in the flat mate department, took some deep breaths and begin to make new friends, and I am still in love with London.

I also struggled a lot in 2008, the first struggle being learning how it is to live so far away from friends and family for so long. Then, in September, after seeing the last of my classmates off, I was really alone. I had to take some chances, go to some places by myself, and trust that there are nice people who will like me everywhere. I also struggled mightily on the job front, sending out over 30 applications, and being rejected by all 30. I have never been quite so financially restrained, nor had this tough of a time finding a job. After all when you are rejected by the industry you worked in for four years, you really start to appreciate the times you had a job, a paycheck, and some financial peace of mind.

I never really make official New Years resolutions, and the ones I unofficially make tend to be of the kind that ask of me to sort of change who I am, what I look like, or how I act. I’ve read many places that most New Year’s resolutions have been broken by the third week of January or so. I suspect this is for many reasons, but probably because people view resolutions, as the chance to become a different person, and that, my friends, will nearly always fail. But, I have decided to make a list of things that I’d like to work on for the next year, things that I already am, or can be (or can have or can do), but that require a little patience, a little hard work, and/or a little being open to new possibilities. So, without further adieu, here is my list of things I’ll be working on:

1) Find a job that I will not dread going to work/can pay the bills with (maybe not in that order)
2) Live within my means and start building up my savings
3) Continue to work to build relationships in London
4) Try and keep my room clean (I think this will be on my list for all of eternity, but I work each year to do it)
5) Take French lessons, or at least listen to French podcasts, to begin my journey back to fluency
6) Write and blog on a more regular basis
7) Travel within Europe this year (obviously dependent on numbers 1 & 2)
8) Work to stay in better touch with my friends not in London
9) Read a few more books
10) Read a little less internet

So, to all my old acquaintances and all my new ones, I wish all of you a very Happy New Year, and if 2008 was great for you, I wish 2009 to be just a great, and if 2008 kind of sucked, well, let’s hope that 2009 can only be better.

Cheers.

Almost Home

2008-12-21T19:57:00.003Z

I'm almost home for the holidays! I am sitting in the Toronto airport and will be boarding in a few minutes. I know I've been terribly silent on this blog, but I've been trying to sort out the London situation. And while it isn't perfectly sorted, I am headed back after Christmas!

All the stress was just making it so difficult for me to spend energy on anything else than making that decision. So, now that it's made, let the posting commence. Maybe even this week!

In the meantime, Happy Holidays!

Happy Thanksgiving

2008-11-27T08:58:00.003Z

Although I am working today, and England doesn't know it's supposed to be giving me a long weekend for turkey and shopping, I wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving.

I know times are hard for me, and for many. Despite this, I give thanks to my family and friends who are always behind me, supporting me, and wishing me the best!

The one in which I am still emotional over

2008-11-20T11:02:00.015Z

It's been a little over two weeks since that little thing called our election happened. My election night tale, from across the pond, included a lot of crying. Which should come as absolutely no shock to anyone who knows me. After all, some claim, I once cried during a Sally Jesse Raphael show. To that I answer: I plead the Fifth.

I cried a lot on this election day, finally out of happiness and not disappointment. I cried because the beauty of all those very different looking people from across the country coming together in Chicago, Atlanta, New York, and all those other places I didn't see, to celebrate what I can only describe as a Super Bowl win for the whole country. I cried because the country made history in the best kind of way, by doing something that seemed impossible before this night. I cried when I saw all those people waiting to vote and wanting to actually be part of something, and I cried when thinking about how important youth (which, according to who you ask, I may or may not still be part of) were, and how engaged they became. I especially cried when looking at those Kenyan people, who truly live in a different world than most of us in the so-called developed world do, and their jubilation at the role their country played in making this president, and I cried at the symbolism, because I always cry at symbolism, of those two countries, Kenya and U.S., working together to make a president. I cried when looking at that beautiful new first family, because what has always made America the "land of opportunity" is this idea that all can be American, despite background, wealth, or color, and at least at this moment, that felt true.

I cried because in 1998 one of my college professors asked how many of us thought a woman would be president in our lifetime, and about two of us (including me) raised our hands. And while a woman didn't win this time, I believe it will happen in my lifetime. Because in the lifetime of my parents and grandparents, Black people were systematically kept from voting, and now a person who would have been kept from voting is president. And while racism is most certainly not dead, it did sustain a blow that will hopefully one day lead to its death. I hope that there are little kids out there from households in America that are a little different from our own, who believe they too can be president one day, even if they are Muslim, or gay, or marginalized in other ways. And I will know that racism, and its twin, intolerance, really are on death's doorstep when that little kid becomes president in 2048, and we can point to 2008 when things began to change.

I cried at John McCain's speech, which was gracious and humble, and I was reminded why I once liked him. And I cried during Obama's speech, especially at the part where he talked about humility, because we all could stand to be a bit more humble in our lives.

I know there is much work to do in the country, and that one man can not fix it all. Expectations are exceedingly high, and I suspect it will take exactly one week from inauguration for the punditry to began in on all he is doing wrong, and I will know life is just where it should be. But right now, I'm focusing on the moment, and the joy of it.

Here are two videos, the first is of the coverage on the BBC that I watched, calling the race (and I am sorry the video is so bad, but for some reason this is all I could find). I doubt I will ever be able to watch this clip without crying for the rest of my life. The second, from Obama's speech, reaching out to those that didn't vote for him. It so markedly different from talk of political capital to spend, and I hope for all those that didn't vote for Obama, it helped assure them that he wants to work for you too, since, as he famously once said, there is not a Red America or a Blue America, just a United States of America.

Video 1:

Video 2:

(my favorite part starts around 8 minutes in)

Hope

2008-11-05T04:07:00.003Z

I am pretty speechless right now, at 4:07 am in the morning, in London. But, I am crying and in a bit of disbelief, because I think part of me was always afraid that it would all go wrong. But it didn't and there is something to be said that our country now has its first non-white president, when 50 years ago many non-white folks were actively kept from voting. And I think wherever you fall on the ideological divide this is progress in the best kind of way.

So, this is what I have now: Happiness, tears, and hope.

My current mantras

2008-11-03T13:05:00.008Z

The first, by way of my flat mate Nicole (who has been wonderful at encouraging me to stay positive and listening to me when I have bad days) who gave me a little bookmark with this on it; the second by way of my Mom (who has always been wonderful and supportive of me in many ways, including listening to me when I have bad days).

DON'T QUIT
By: Anonymous

When things go wrong

as they sometimes will,

When the road you're

trudging seems all up hill,

When the funds are low

and the debts are high

And you want to smile

but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit

Rest, if you must, but don't you quit

Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As everyone of us sometimes learns,

And many a failure turns about

When he might have won had he stuck it out;

Don't give up though the pace seems slow--

You may succeed with another blow.

Success is failure

turned inside out--

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,

And you can never tell how close you are,

It may be near when it seems so far;

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--

It's when things seem worst you must not quit.

To me, I take this as some comfort in these hard times for me. This endless struggle to find gainful employment in something that is at least somewhat enjoyable to me is taking its toll, financially and emotionally. This poem, with its assurances that something just might be around the corner is helpful. My sense of quitting, in the current situation, is just giving up because it has gotten a little hard. So, I'm giving it the old college try, and if it doesn't fall into place the way I want it to, it won't be for a lack of trying. And at that point, it won't be failure, it will be a growing experience. An experience in the worth of trying when it gets hard, and being open to other paths that one doesn't realize exist. Maybe my way is in London, or maybe it is someplace else. I know that right now, I want it in London, and I need to know at the end of the day, I did my best at trying. I've never done so well at trying at things that are hard for me, so it's about doing that. But it is also about learning to recognize failure that comes from lack of trying, and a different kind of "failure." And that's where the second "mantra" comes in.

THE SUCCESS OF FAILURE
By: Joan Chittister (a really cool nun who always has such great and calming things to say)
If there is anything that strikes terror into the soul of the sincere it is fear of failure. To be a success in something marks the measure of our worth. It gives us honor on the street corners of the world. It gives us stature among our peers. It gives us a sense of invincibility. But one of the central questions of life may well be how to tell success from failure.

It’s not so simple a task as we are inclined to think, perhaps, at the first toss of the question. Failure, we know, is unacceptable. We do a great deal to avoid it. We do even more to hide it. But the real truth is that there is a great deal of failure in all success: Winning pitchers lose a good many baseball games. Scientists can spend their entire lives mixing the wrong compounds, writing the wrong formulas, testing the wrong hypotheses.

The problem is that there are two faces of failure, one of them life-giving, the other one deadly. I have seen them both.

The first face of failure I saw in the life of an internationally recognized writer who, first intent on being an English professor, studied at Oxford but failed. I gasped at the very thought of it. But she spoke about the loss of those years and that degree with a laugh and a toss of her head: “Luckiest thing that ever happened to me,” she said. “Otherwise I’d be in a small college someplace teaching writing. As it is, I’m doing just what I’m supposed to be doing.” I thought about the remark for days. Here was a woman who knew the place of failure in our eternal quest to be ourselves.

The second face of failure I saw in a woman with great musical talent who, discouraged by the difficulty of her early studies, dropped out of music school and never studied another thing in her life. She died disgruntled, underdeveloped, and trapped within the boundaries of the self.

Clearly, failure may, in the long run, be the only real key to success. The first step to becoming what we most seek may well be indifference to dashed hope and perpetual disappointment and the depression that comes with reaching for guinea gold and grasping only dust.

But if that is the case, then we must develop the capacity for failure in a society that glorifies success but gives short shrift to the forging of it. We must learn to recognize, to value, to prize all the endless attempts it takes to do what we want to do but which for us is still undoable.

So, I'm taking both of these writings with me each day, not quitting, and also learning to "recognize that prize of endless attempts at trying," without feeling like if it doesn't work the way I want, I did something wrong. Not that this is easy nor have I perfected this quest that amounts to a peace within myself that I've done what I can do. But I am getting there and feeling more confident each day, even within many moments of doubt, that it will work out, somehow, in the end.

[if you want to read more of Sister Joan's stuff, go to http://www.benetvision.org/]

I have my degree!!

2008-10-14T21:46:00.005+01:00

I recently found out that I was successful in my dissertation attempt and therefore have officially completed and obtained my Master's Degree! While I don't officially graduate until March, they can't take it away from me now.

The past year has been such an experience for me as I've chronicled as much as I could here on this blog. And as excited as I am, I am also sad because it is officially over. Somehow I think I would be more excited if I could just find a job in the non-profit sector and felt like I was really getting myself some skills to help me get to the next level.

Anyway, I have many thoughts running through my head, and I can't seem to get the thoughts to align into a coherent piece of writing--I've tried several times since my last blog post. I'll keep trying and hopefully something soon will emerge!

Ocho Rios

2008-09-29T00:20:00.010+01:00

Here are some pictures of Ocho Rios in Jamaica, which marked the first of many trips around the island I took while in Jamaica last year. It's been a little over a year since I moved to Jamaica and that fact combined with me finishing my dissertation centered around Jamaica, I have been missing it very much lately.

And because of that, you get a Jamaica picture.

These particular pictures are at Dunn's

River Falls, a "must-see" in Jamaica. Yes it is touristy and cheesy, but it is also very cool and pretty. We climbed up the falls (and I didn't even hurt myself) and then walked down and played and lay on the beach, before heading home to Kingston. If I recall (and I do) our driver was late and there was a lot of traffic, but even that did not ruin the trip.

If you want to see more of beautiful Jamaica, as captured by me, click here.

That's all for today, but I'll be back soon.

Endings and Beginnings

2008-09-11T00:26:00.006+01:00

I have come upon yet another time of change in my life, and frankly I've had quite enough for the past year. Since January 2007, I had three jobs in the U.S., got accepted to and began graduate school, lived in Jamaica, lived in London, worked another job in London, interned at two different non-profit agencies, finished graduate school, completed my dissertation, moved into yet another place, and said good-bye to (too many) people. Whew.

Really, it has been a bit much of late. Seriously though, the past year has provided me some wonderful opportunity for growth, both through good times and the not-so-good times. I've struggled to find my place as an intern in agencies when I was used to being integral in the daily decision making of the Service-Learning Center (oh geez, I almost wrote Centre). I've had to re-evaluate who I am as a student adjusting to not only new grading scales, but how I have changed (or not changed) since the last time, many long years ago. I've had to face the realities of a tight job market for the first time ever, and swallow my pride and be willing to take positions I feel I am over-qualified for. And then swallow it some more upon finding out I'm not even being considered for those, and ask lots of questions and make lots of phone calls to figure out what I'm doing wrong. I've celebrated reacting less emotionally in certain situations, but realized that on this front, I still have a long way to go. Duh. Most recently I have had to tell most, and soon all, of my newest friends, (my counterparts, my partners in this past year: my fellow classmates) good-bye as they left London to start their own new paths. I have struggled with the realities of living someplace where I literally have no support system anywhere near me and what that actually means, and wondering if I have the will to create a new support system. (I do, don't worry). But, I've also marveled at the opportunity and excitement that living in a new place, completely on my own, can bring.

I suppose all of this musing is to say good-bye to my year of graduate school, and hello to what comes next. I'm not entirely sure what this holds, but I know that for awhile, it is London. As is often the case with me, and I've written about this before, endings are sad for me. Even as I look forward to forging new relationships and building a new career, I am nostalgic for the past year. Part of this is of course the good times and people I met along the way; part of it surely is because at least then and there, I had map telling me where to go. I feel quite unsure about where I'm headed, although I feel like it is in the right direction. And writing all of this here is, I guess sort of "internet therapy," or not having to say it out loud all the time but still let you know, or maybe it is just because I enjoy writing, and they say write about what you know, and right now this is what I know.

Actually, it's probably just about me seeing how many commas and semicolons I can use in one post. I'm too tired to count, but if the goal was to use a lot I surely succeeded. Hmm, I think that is a byproduct of too much dissertation writing lately. But, actually, it is very indicative of what goes on in my head. People who know me well, know that my brain runs faster than my mouth, but my mouth runs pretty fast, and sometimes when it all comes out I wish I had the benefit of visual commas, semicolons, and parentheses to help me out.

Anyway, practically speaking, this blog may change a bit now that it isn't solely about my graduate school journey (since I started it as I was leaving). I'm still going to keep posting, but it may not always be so directly related to my life, as I presume that will become very boring in the upcoming months. (Which is, assuming it ever was not boring, which may be a fallacy of thinking on my part.) I will still keep up the picture of the week as I still have a ton of pictures and hope to keep traveling, once I get some money again. I'd also like to have more comments so if you're reading out there, let me know what you think!

So, now, onto my next challenge, and on that I will obviously keep you posted.

I will break radio silence soon...

2008-08-26T23:08:00.004+01:00

well, I guess technically I just did. But only to tell you I will be breaking radio silence, not to actually break it. Note the difference, and also note how totally like Team Darlton of Lost I am. (If you get the reference you know what a total geek I am and roll your eyes. If you don't, just know it is one of my insane tv references and roll your eyes.) Anyway, the dissertation must be done on Monday and when that is done, then hilarity on this blog will ensue once more. maybe even intentionally.

wish me luck. please!

London

2008-08-10T20:19:00.005+01:00

Here is a great picture of the London skyline, taken from Primose Hill, which is in the Belsize Park/Chalk Farm area. This area is where a bunch of the more famous live, and apparently many stars walk in this park, or something like that. It's quite a hill, let me tell you! Anyway, Trudy and I had lunch here one beautiful London day.

I don't have much else to write, and I also have to say "oops!" I really did intend to update the picture last week, and I didn't get around to it. I was preoccupied with UK Visa issues (which are for the most part worked out). I may not do a Picture of the Week the new few weeks, because I have three weeks until my dissertation is due and I have a lot of work to do! I'll just have to see how it goes.

So, to hold you over I updated some pictures on my photo site, and my friend Jen and I started a new blog, centered all around our shared love--television. Of course, neither blog will get the proper attention for a few weeks, but after that watch out! Anyway, that blog is Two Girls in Love, with TV... and the address is twogirlsinlovewithtv.blogspot.com.

Ok, back to work for me! Talk to you soon.

Well, my Mac is pretty (and the sun is too)

2008-07-30T00:29:00.007+01:00

So, sorry folks, I know I was meant to post a few days ago. But, I have a great excuse, really do: I've been working on the dissertation. So, in honor (or is that honour), my picture this week is my Mac, and one of my two typing hands.

[hears outcry that a picture of a computer is all there is]

Oh, all right, I'll throw you a real picture too. I've been thinking about Jamaica a lot lately, probably partially because my dissertation relates to Jamaica, and partially because it has almost been a year since I left for Jamaica, and partially because it has been almost exactly six months since I lived in Jamaica. One of the things I miss most about Jamaica was the traveling we were able to do. I literally went all around the island, up a mountain, stayed at a nice hotel and an African hut, and of course saw the beautiful sun set over the ocean. For our very last trip, we went to Treasure Beach, someplace we almost missed. We decided, very last minute, to go ahead and make the journey on mini bus, and thankfully, it was totally worth it. Treasure Beach is quite unlike other places in Jamaica in that it is not tourist-y at all. In fact, if you don't like quiet or don't bring along your own fun, you may find it boring. But, we found it a great place to spend one last weekend together before we all left for our various holiday destinations. We had fun on the beach riding some of the biggest waves we'd seen on the island, and just enjoying each other's company.

Anyway, here's to Treasure Beach and my fellow Jamaican IPSL kids: I really miss you guys! (well, not Jerome. But that's just because he lives 3 doors and 20 feet away from me) This sunset picture, possibly taken from a camera other than mine, is for you.

Morocco

2008-07-21T18:49:00.005+01:00

I have to apologize for this post being a day late. I worked all weekend, and then went to a concert last night. It was an iTunes Live concert; all of July iTunes has been hosting free concerts every day with various types of acts. Some, like last night's jazz groups are lesser known, and others have been more main stream, like Death Cab for Cutie. Anyway, it was a lot of fun and a nice mellow way to end the weekend.

So, to my pictures. On the trip to Spain, as I think I've said, we went to Morocco. We took a ferry from a port city in Spain to Tangier, Morocco. The ferry was only about an hour, and it was somewhere, in luxury, between the ferry I took to Zanzibar and the ferry I took back from Zanzibar. My sister, Alexis, will know exactly what I mean, but basically it was nice and comfortable if not overly luxurious. And, there was no 'first class' with a big ol' spider in it!

Once we arrived in Tangier we had about six hours before we needed to be back. We ended up hiring a guide to take us around on foot. We were very leery of doing this and being 'taken', but realized

that there were no "Welcome to Morocco" tourist places, so we would need someone to help us nav

igate the winding streets. We found out that most of the people off the ferry do this, and that it is just how it is done in Tangier.

We had a lovely day, and it was nice to get another Africa stamp in my passport; I had to get a new passport for this program (ugh, you know those things are good for 10 years, so um, yeah, I'm old) so I've been slowly re-filling it.

We walked around and saw a carpet shop, a apothecary, had some traditional Moroccan tea, and ate hummus and falafel. We also found out that many movies that are set in some sort of African or desert-esq city are being filmed in Morocco. The scene in upper picture, taken from the roof of the carpet shop, should look familiar to those who have seen the Bourne Ultimatum. Our friend, Jason Bourne, went running across the various roofs in this picture. Blackhawk Down (a movie that I, inexplicably, love) was also shot here.

We really didn't have enough time to explore, but it was definitely enough time to 'wet our whistle' so to speak. I'd love to go back and explore more of not only Tangier, but Northern Africa. I'd like to see how different it is from Malawi and Tanzania. It did remind me of Stone Town in Zanzibar, probably because both cities have strong Arabic and Muslim influences. The second picture shows how close the buildings are.

One other thing: many of the guide books will tell you how 'dangerous' Tangier is. We never really felt that way, and I think it goes to show that you really shouldn't put too much stock in avoiding 'dangerous' places. You just need to be careful and make smart decisions (like paying for a guide). If we'd listened we wouldn't have been able to see how beautiful Tangier is!

Have a nice week.

Me and Holmes

2008-07-13T14:26:00.007+01:00

I love detective novels, especially British detective novels. Give me a good Agatha Christie novel and a rainy London evening and I'm all set. And a dork. I also love Sherlock Holmes, despite the fact that I haven't read that many Sherlock Holmes books. What I really love the most, though, are Sherlock Holmes statues. Yes, I am weird.

On my first trip to London, in 2004, it was important for me to head over to Baker Street (where Holmes' office was). The tube station (on the Hammersmith & City, Metropolitian, Jubilee and Bakerloo lines) is all Sherlock. There are little tiles with his profile and everything. (The statue is technically on Maryleborn Street). Since living in London I even spent one evening with Jerome and Javier, in search of Holmes. Since we so brilliantly went into London without our trusty A to Z's, we wandered around for about 2 hours until we finally found Sherlock. Around midnight. In January. Alas, he was all covered in scaffolding, but it didn't stop me from getting a picture. But, he was all fixed when I went back with Kymberly and Justin. Plus it was light out, and much warmer. Then, when we headed to Edinburgh we found a statue of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, who I am sure you know, created Sherlock Holmes. The statue looks eerily like Sherlock, so I think it counts as a Sherlock statue. Anyway, I've put up the three pictures of Sherlock I have, all taken this year. If anyone can tell me where there is a Dr.Watson statue, please do, then I can have a complete set.

Ok, have happy weeks everyone! Enjoy the nice American summer if you are there!

Game, Set, Match

2008-07-06T14:37:00.006+01:00

Well, I had an interesting, eventful week. I began the week camping, queuing, and attending Wimbledon, and ended the week, not celebrating our independence, but sick in bed. Yuck. Obviously, Wimbledon is the more happy of the two occasions, and that is what I choose to document here!

Wimbledon is one of the few sporting events the general public has the opportunity toget good seats, the day of the event. All you have to do is queue! Yes, folks, we camped out at Wimbledon Park from 4:30 pm on Monday in order to get good seats for Wimbledon on Tuesday.

Here is how it went:

We put up our tents around 4:30 pm. At 6:00 official Wimbledon employees, called Stewards, handed us queue cards. These cards are numbered, and indicate when you can claim a wristband for the court of your choice. I was number #28, which guaranteed I would get the court of my choice. We then hung out all night, got around three hours of sleep, and were woken up by an Honorary Steward (a Steward of an advanced age) at 5:30 am. I will say if I could an alarm clock of an old English man whispering politely each morning, I would!

After that it was many more hours of queuing, before we got to purchase our Centre Court tickets! Then it was more waiting for a match to actually begin. FINALLY, around 1 pm, the first match on Centre Court began. We were only seven rows back!

It was a quarterfinal match between Elena Dementieva and Nadia Petrova. It was actually a great match, with Dementieva having match point in the second set, but Petrova forcing a new game, and winning the set. In the end Dementieva prevailed.

Our second game was Serena Williams! She totally dominated her opponent Agnieszka Radwanska winning 6-4, 6-0. It was amazing to see her, she looks even stronger in person.

Centre Court looks much smaller in person, than on television, but you can really feel the tradition. From the way the ball boys and girls have to give the players tennis balls, to the way we marched in the queue, everything felt very old and English. So, to fit right in, after a long day in the sun, we capped off our day with two Wimbledon traditions: Pimm’s and Lemonade and Strawberries and Creme. (see me, tired and happy, left)

Wimbledon was a great, long, exhaustive experience! I might even do it again next year! The two pictures in this post are of Serena Williams in the middle of a serve, and me with my Pimm's and Strawberries. But, I have updated my photo page with many more Wimbledon pictures. If you'd like to see more, just click here. Don't forget you can always get to my photos from the link to the left, about 5 sections down.

As always, until next week.

Solid as a Rock

2008-06-29T15:49:00.005+01:00

On my recent trip to Spain, my friends and I actually covered three countries and two continents in three days. We flew into Spain, and then spent a day each in Spain, Gibraltar (which is an English territory), and Morocco. It was good times, I say, good times.

Gibraltar is home of the Southern most point of Europe, and you can see Africa from its tip. There is also the famous Rock of Gibraltar, and the equally famous monkeys. The picture is of me and Mr. Monkey chilling out on the rock. We had some drinks and talked politics (like how Spain wants Gibraltar to be Spanish, but the people of Gibraltar want it to stay English) before we posed for this picture. He's pretty smart; I believe he got his PhD from Oxford. Or maybe it was Cambridge. I can never remember.

I was hoping that since we were in an English territory the cars would have to be driven on the left side of the road. Since in Spain they drive on the right side, I wanted the cars to have to switch sides at the border (a la "Wee Britian"--those of you A.D. fans get this joke). Alas, Gibraltar is one of the few English territories, commonwealth countries, or former colonies that don't drive on the left side of the road. [The only other two I know of are Canada and the U.S.). Oh well, it is probably safer that way. All in all it was a great trip.

Until next week.

Shakespeare Rules

2008-06-22T23:34:00.005+01:00

When Kymberly and Justin were in London for a visit, we took a day trip to Oxford and Stratford-upon-Avon. As you probably know, Shakespeare was born and lived in Stratford, and while there we were able to see his birth home. The city is full of Shakespeare as he is the reason so many tourists come. The Royal Shakespeare Theatre is based in Stratford, and in the center (or, when in England, centre) of town there is a statue dedicated to Shakespeare. This statue memorialized the tragedies and the comedies, and located in the four corners around the statue are four famous characters, such as Hamlet. Unfortunately, the city was doing a lot of contruction around the statue, and I wasn't able to to get a great picture of the characters. The statue itself was not touched by construction, and the picture to the left is part of the memorial.

Many towns in England are on rivers, and you can usually tell because the town is "upon" something, and generally evokes images of quaint little English towns. For example, the town Kingston (which is in London, close to me) is called Kingston-upon-Thames as it is on the River Thames. (So, really, London could be called London-upon-Thames, but the words quaint and little do not exactly fit with London). The same is true for Stratford, which is "upon" the River Avon. Interestingly the word "avon" means river in England. So, the picture to the right is the River Avon, or the Avon Avon (ha ha), in Stratford just across from the Shakespeare statue.

Stratford is quite a lovely little town, and it easy to see why Shakespeare, despite all the fun of various sorts he had in London, always came back home.

Picture of the Week--Straddling the Hemispheres

2008-06-15T20:41:00.006+01:00

Here's the first official Picture of the Week! This was taken a few weeks ago when my friends Kymberly and Justin were in town visiting. On this particular day we went to Greenwich, which you may know is the home of Greenwich Mean Time where all time is measured from (though it is called Universal Time now). This is the home of the Prime Meridian, which means that it is the marker of the Western and Eastern Hemispheres.

For someone who gets pretty excited from little things like state lines (um, that's me), the hemisphere line was AMAZING. I got to straddle the hemispheres, say "meet you in the Eastern Hemisphere," run from one hemisphere to the other, and talk about that time I was in that "other hemisphere. So, basically, your typically dorky Sara-stuff.

Anyway, hope you enjoy seeing me in both hemispheres. I know I enjoyed my visit to them.

The Times They Are A-Changin'

2008-06-11T23:17:00.009+01:00

New post time! I know, I know, it happens so infrequently you all thought it would never happen again. I have been busy finishing up my semester, traveling, and having friends visit. I guess things are "calming" down, but really I feel like it is all about to change again. And I am a little sad about it.

Now, to be fair, I usually feel a bit of melancholy in May. I think it is due to end of school, graduations, and moving on. When I worked at USM, the campus always saw a dramatic change in May: it became this quiet peaceful place (where I didn't have to fight for a parking spot). It always took some adjusting to life there without students or faculty around as often. I am currently going through this again, as I live on campus and it is suddenly silent after a semester full of loud parties. Still, I don't think these are the only reasons. I think that this year, it is different. Or maybe not different, just more. I feel the winds of change more than I have in a long time.

I am sure some of it has to do with my becoming a new decade, and all of those old issues that I've already talked and written about, ad nauseam. I also think that I'm moving into a new phase of adulthood. The kind where you have a career, maybe start a family, buy a house, etc. I think as more of my friends do these things, while not necessarily making feel like I need to do it, I am realizing that people my age are old enough to do these things. Like, my peeps, we can be U.S. Senators now. That's a little mind blowing sometimes. Weren't we just in college? Also, am I now too old to say peeps? [Do not answer that question.]

Also, there is the obvious: I am finishing up graduate school, saying good-bye to the new friends I have made, looking for jobs, moving on, etc. So, these play into this feeling as well. Still, I am finding that I am ready to be settled, at least for a little while. Even if I am only in London for a year, I want to find a flat, and just be content for a year. I have felt in flux for so long, sometimes I think since I graduated college, that just being at ease will be nice.

Still, change can be, and has often proven to be, exciting. It is exciting to think of living in London for a year, getting a job in a non-profit, making new friends. So, while there is that same old sadness, there is also that same old feeling of excitement. And anyone who knows me, also knows I am emotional, and sentimental, which is how I feel now. I just can't be any other way.

So, of course, I'll keep you posted. I am also going to institute my picture of the week--I've been to so many interesting places of late that I want to show them off. They can also give me something to write about if nothing is going on. The one in the post is from Jamaica--Hope Gardens to be exact. This is Jamaica's Botanical Gardens located in Kingston, next to the UTech campus. I was excited to get this picture, because I hadn't figured out how to work my close-up feature yet. I still don't always get that feature right, but sometimes I do, and then you get pictures like these.

I'll start in full force on Sunday, and get a new one up each Sunday. Well, I intend to start that on Sunday, and change on Sundays. You know, sometimes the best laid plans...

Stay tuned.

Scotland is wonderful

2008-04-09T21:40:00.005+01:00

I went to Scotland over the weekend and it was fantabulous. Seriously. I landed in Edinburgh on Friday, and was picked up by Elaine and her lovely Mini-Cooper. [For those that don't know Elaine, she worked at Girl Scout with Alexis about 5 years ago or so. She came and visited De Soto a few times that summer, and then in 2004 Alexis and I visited her family. ]

The best part of the weekend was getting to be in a home again. As much as I love my little ol' dorm room here in Southwest London, spending time with a family was great. Elaine and her parents were (as always) warm and welcoming. Elaine and I went swimming at her local gym, and then she took me to St. Andrews. This is the town that has the legendary golf club where many PGA tournaments have been held. It is a very cute old Scottish town, with

old buildings and great shopping. Saturday was topped off by dinner at a Scottish restaurant named "The Bothy" (I think). Here, I had Haggis! This is the traditional Scottish dish, which was actually very good. You can't actually think about what is in Haggis, and I'm not telling. But, if you'd like to know, just click here. Don't get grossed out, though.

On Sunday, before flying back to London, we spent the afternoon in Edinburgh, most notably on Princess Street. Specifically shopping. But, hey, with the Edinburgh Castle looming nearby, it was almost like a history trip.

It was back to the grind on Monday though as classes resumed. I can't believe how fast three weeks goes by. Luckily, I now have only two more weeks of classes and agency. Unluckily, I have four papers due between now and them. So, with that said, I should run. If I don't post until May, well, now you know why.

Enjoy your April Showers!

Happy Easter

2008-03-23T12:21:00.004Z

Happy Easter Everyone! It is Easter afternoon here in jolly ol'England, though the weather is decidedly not Easter-like. It actually snowed this morning, which is, I hear, very unusual. It didn't stick, but still made for a nice effect.

It has taken me so long to update, because I have been very busy. As of my last post I had just started working at a Starbucks here in London. Since then, things have been going full force. I spend two days in class, two days at my agency, and two days at Starbucks. Which, (if you do the math) leaves me one day free. I always feel like I have to pack everything in that one day--appreciating that I live in London, and trying to do London-esq things. Thankfully I am now on Spring Break and have a few weeks off to relax and get caught up.

I started my Spring Break off with a few days in Paris. I finally made it to France, the country whose language I learned for so long. I have to say that while I have done a disservice to all my French teachers for forgetting too much, Paris was absolutely beautiful. We've all seen the Eiffel Tower photographed and in movies so much, but it is brilliant in person. I also saw the main sites (Arc De Triomphe, Champs-Elysées, Louvre, etc), had dinner in Montmartre (where Amélie was filmed and the home of Sacre-Coeur), and did a little shopping.

I am now in the "homework" portion of my break, and I have much to do in the next seven days. Some papers to write, interviews to transcribe, and research to do. My reward will be a trip to Brussels and a visit to Scotland to visit Elaine. Whee!

Other than that not much is going on. I am enjoying meeting new people at Starbucks--I work with people from Poland, Slovokia, Hungary, Japan, Korea, Philippines, and France. (Oh, and even one person from England). I have a lot of fun with them, and hearing about their countries is great.

That's all I have for now. I'll let you know how Brussels and Scotland are, and how much homework I finished! Wish me luck on that front.

I always want to thank everyone for being part of my Virtual Birthday Party. I know it was a month ago, but it was a great party!

As always, I miss you.

Virtual Birthday Party

2008-02-15T03:28:00.004Z

If you want to be part of the party just add you're very own comment!

In anticipation...

2008-02-13T18:27:00.008Z

Hello, and I once again must say sorry for the lapse of posting. The weeks are just flying by, faster than I realize. I am firmly entrenched in classes, and have gotten one major presentation over with. It wasn't too big, but it was worth 30% of my grade, so I spent quite a bit of time on it. I am also now successfully employed at Starbucks (once again). This store is much bigger and busier than the one in Leavenworth, and hopefully I will get to meet lots of new people.

Well, as most of you know my birthday is Friday, and to top it off, as I was born in that great year of 1978 (on the very day Leon Spinks beat Muhammad Ali, in fact) I will be the big 3-0. All things considered, (and this is considering I've been dreading this birthday for 2 years), I'm not freaking out too bad. In fact its given something for to reflect on for my reflection class' journal (we meet fortnightly--I love that word). Since I don't want to have to re-reflect, but since I am officially a blogger (no matter how lame), I decided to put an excerpt from that reflection here. I'm probably crazy, but for whatever it's worth, here it is, a peek into the crazy nearly 30 world of me:

Now, I know all those things people are saying: 30 is the new 20, 30 isn’t old, age is only a number, etc. The truth is I basically agree with them. I just think that with 30 comes expectations, both on the part of others and the part of me. I’m honestly not sure where I thought I would be at 30, when I was 15. I don’t really think I thought about it. I was a teenager, and in high school, and that was when that was all that mattered (did I actually just write that monstrosity of a sentence?). It’s really just that now, I do think about what I’ll be at 40, and boy it includes a lot of things. And it’s a lot of want for only 10 years, and since I haven’t managed to put the whole package together in 30 years, at times it is hard to think I’ll do it in only 10. I’m not unrealistic to think that even if I achieve all of it, I will be 100 percent happy all of time. Of course I won’t, no one is, but I am also enough of an optimist to think that I can achieve "it all". What I’m truly scared about is not only not having this in 10 years, but waking up an realizing it all ain’t going to happen. I’m not there yet, but this birthday is a bit like a whisper telling me to step it up.

The thing is right now, I’m pretty happy with where I am. I’ve worked hard to get to a better place in my life, about how I feel about me and where I am headed. So, in some ways February 15, 2008 will just be like every other birthday I’ve had. I know I am loved and cared for, and on this day its gets to be about you, and that’s ok. I’m sad that I am so far away from most of the people I care about, and that the 30th blow out party I would have had, will have to be a 31st blow out party. But, I’m in London getting a degree, which will help me find a job, a career, in a field I am passionate about. This is the paradox I find myself in. There are times when I just don’t care I am going to be 30. In fact, secretly, I might even kind of like it. I complain about my wrinkles (the ones that are already there because I have been fortunate to be able to laugh most of the time, and the ones that I know are coming) a lot, but sometimes I think they are pretty.

So, there are times when I truly (and truthfully) think I could say, what if I just stopped obsessing about turning 30. Surely, the two years of my worrying about this point have been “more painful” than the actual event will be. I don’t suspect that I’ll feel much different than I did on February 14th. I know that the expectations causing me to freak out, are mostly mine, and the ones that are “society’s” I can’t worry about. I just need to take a deep breath and keep moving forward.

And just to prove I really am the same old Sara, no matter what age, a few weeks ago I fell off the sidewalk and wiped out in the middle of London. In front of a ton of people. I wasn't hurt, just (as usual) a little embarrassed. Clearly not enough to keep from repeating the story though! Ah, well I think some things will never change.

Alrighty, well I will post again, perhaps a 30th birthday update. We're touring Parliament (Not in honor of my birthday, just because), having some dinner, and going out for drinks.

I'll miss you all very much.

Kickin' it in London

2008-01-28T23:26:00.000Z

Well, it has been a little while since I posted, mainly because not a lot has been going on. I've been here in London for about 3 weeks (my how time flies), and haven't really been doing a whole lot. I finally was able to go to my agency, Tender, on Friday. I think I will be getting to work on some VDay stuff, so that's cool. And it makes me harken back to my college days, and the Vagina Monologues. It's the 10-year anniversary of VDay, and they are doing some pretty cool things in the States (you can see here).
Other than that I have been to a few classes, done some homework, and done a lot of walking around London. I've been to Central London several times, plus a great Mexican restaurant in Notting Hill. On Sunday, I went to Brick Lane, which is the home of curry in London. It was a a great area, with a lot of street vendors, and people just out and about. London is an absolutely huge city, with so many different ethic groups, I think it would take years to explore. But, I'm doing the best I can.
I must say it is quite a different experience to that of Jamaica, and it is taking me a little longer to see need. I know it is here, just as there is need in the United States, and any other developed country. It is just that in Jamaica, the poverty was always in your face. I suspect once I get involved in my agency some more I won't have trouble spotting the need.
Beyond that I don't have much knew to report. I am updating some of the picture links to the left. I have a new iPhoto websharing program, so I am uploading pictures using that. It is a better version of the Photocasts I tried to do in Jamaica. They will also be on Picassa for the time being, until I run out of space. But, they look much prettier in the program.

I think that's about all I have for now. Hopefully my next update will be more, um, exciting.

Jolly Ol'England

2008-01-13T19:59:00.000Z

Hello!

It has taken me a little bit to get up a new post, but I have been very busy. Alexis and I traveled around Jamaica for my last week getting home on December 23rd. After enjoying a relaxing few days, things got crazy. I went to KC to see Monica, Debra, Kymberly, Justin, et al., as well as Alexis' new place. Then it was back to De Soto, and St. Louis for my last five days, including Anne-Marie's graduation party the first weekend in January. All of this is quite boring to read about I'm sure, but it's my rather long winded way of proving how busy I was. And I did all of that as a lead up to my apology that if I didn't get a chance to see you over the holidays I am sorry. I wanted to see everyone, and I simply didn't have enough time when I was in St. Louis to see many people. I guess you all will just have to come to London!

Speaking of London, I am all moved in and starting classes tomorrow. I am at Roehampton University in Southwest London, south of the Thames. I am near Putney, Barnes, and Wimbeldon. It is about 30 to 45 minutes from campus to the area where the London Eye, Houses of Parliment, Big Ben, etc. are. I have been into Central London twice since I have been here, as well as Putney and Hammersmith, both which are short bus rides away.

The campus is quite beautiful, though I have been seeing it through the haze of rain. The rumors are true: it does rain quite a bit in London. It also gets dark by 4 pm and it is cold. I can't report on classes yet or my service yet, but I will find out more about both tomorrow.

I think that's all I have to report for now. The internet is much more reliable here so I hope to meet my one post a week goal. We'll see.

I hope everyone is enjoying the new year, and remember you are all welcome to stay with me in London anytime.

Happy Frakkin' New Year

2008-01-01T07:05:00.000Z

Happy 2008 everyone! Have a safe, productive, and fun year! And turn 30. (Oh, that may just be those born in 1978).

Merry Christmas

2007-12-25T06:32:00.000Z

I wish everyone a very Merry Christmas, or a very Merry Day Off if you don't celebrate Christmas. I am home from Jamaica safe and sound. I'll write more soon!

Pictures

2007-12-25T05:30:00.000Z

I've added a link to my Picasa Albums to the left. Beautiful Jamaican pictures, such as the one shown here, are waiting with just a click! Enjoy!

Bye Jamaica

2007-12-13T04:11:00.000Z

Well, I can't believe it is already time for me to say goodbye to Jamaica. August seems both a long time ago and just like yesterday, at the same time. It is fitting that a tropical storm is causing the rains to come down this week, since a hurricane happened my first few days. Dean greeted me, and now Olga will send me on my way. Sorry to all you Midwesterners getting pummeled by ice and snow; outside of the rain it as been 85 degrees, sunny, and with a lovely "Christmas Breeze." In short, divine.

I have had an amazing semester here, meeting people, learning the culture, and traveling around the country. I have gotten to see each region in Jamaica, and do things many Jamaicans haven't even done. The picture is from Treasure Beach, a very quiet area in the south of Jamaica. I traveled there last weekend, and it marked my last trip with the IPSL group. We had a great time just relaxing on the beach, playing in the waves, and generally spending time together. I will see the grads in London, but for Alice, Kim, and John, after Jamaica, who knows.

I have to thank many people for my experience here. Mrs. Rattray for opening up her home and cooking for me each day. Her food was great, and through it I really got a "taste" of Jamaica. Geri (Dr. Hodelin), the IPSL coordinator for UTech, my Contemporary Conditions prof., and most importantly (at least to me) my Thesis adviser. She helped me out very much this semester, and also had us over to dinner. Also to Cynthia Onyefulu, Jennifer Hall, and Veronica Salter, profs who have taken us out or made food for us. Dr. Gordon-Bell and Mrs. Samuels, History and Literature professors who taught me a great deal. All the people at Jamaicans for Justice, esp. Louise and Andrea. Tameka who helped me so much, and St. Rachel who took me on a field trip.

I have many more thoughts swirling around, and I think I will try and tackle each topic in a separate post. I am also going to edit and post the Jamaica pictures over break. I know I will have just as many from London, and I don't want too big of a backlog.

My sister (Alexis) arrives on Friday and we'll spend a week relaxing in Jamaica, living the tourists life. Then I'm headed home for Christmas and New Year's before I fly out on January 8th for London. I am sure break will pass quickly by, and I hope I get a chance to enjoy it. If I don't get a chance to see you, have a great holiday and be safe!

Thanks for all your support, and I will post again soon, now that all my homework is done!

A quick update...

2007-12-01T02:52:00.001Z

I am updating today so I can have two blog posts in November! I have been very hard at work trying to finish up all of my assignments and collect data for my research. The benefit to collecting the data is I am getting to talk with various Jamaicans for across the island. Some people I talked to last week aren't getting running water...for about 10 years! They have the pipes and used to get it, but then something happened, and I guess 10 years isn't enough to fix it?

I am down to one major paper, some revisions, and the data. Yea! After that I will have some more time to edit and post pictures, maybe update this a bit more often. I can't believe that I will be done with the Jamaican portion of the program in two weeks. The time is really flying, and, of course, I am just starting to feel like I am making relationships. I guess it is the drawback to only spending one semester here.

I hope all of you Americans had a great Thanksgiving. The picture above is the eight American students in the Jamaican IPSL program this semester, 4 graduates and 4 undergrads. We took this last Saturday when we got together for Thanksgiving dinner. We all brought something and we even had turkey. It wasn't home, but it was nice!

That's all I have for now. I'll post again when things are less crazy.

I must apologize...

2007-11-11T04:18:00.000Z

I have to apologize for the long-ness between my posts. I have been very (very) busy. To start of with, I spent a week traveling around the island. It was great, but also what one might call the calm before the storm! I went to Montego Bay, which if you have ever docked in Jamaica on a cruise ship, you have probably been here. I stayed on the "hip strip," which is hip with tourists. Seriously, outside of the accents, I almost forgot I was in Jamaica. But, I went into the town of Montego Bay and it was like a mini-Kingston. I also visited the Jamaicans for Justice office in Mo' Bay and had a delightful conversation with its one employee, Joy. She is a former counselor and it doing great things in the office. I also went White Water Rafting while in Mo' Bay, which was so much fun. Our guide was awesome (and cute!), and we flipped over, got stuck in some rocks, and saw a beautiful waterfall. I didn't have a camera, but one of our fellow rafters took some pictures. We exchanged email addresses, so hopefully I will get some copies.

Upon leaving Mo'Bay, we headed to Negril. Negril has beautiful white sandy beaches and great sunsets. It was a relaxing few days before heading back to the grind. Well, I did manage to bruise my foot, fall on my shoulder, and get coral stuck in my fingers, but other than that is was relaxing.

That was the last full week in October, and since returning I have been completely bogged down in school work. I had a major history presentation this week, so all of last weekend was spent at the University of the West Indies library. It hasn't let up as I have several other papers to complete.

I must also apologize for the lack of pictures and insightful commentary this post. This probably wasn't so much fun to read. I am going to try and post again soon. Since I will begin to conduct my interviews for my thesis in the following weeks, I am sure I will have a lot to comment on. Also, I am leaving soon, and I am sure I will start reflecting more and more with each passing week.

That's all I have for now. More soon come, though!

What's been happening

2007-10-17T03:11:00.000+01:00

Hello! Sorry it has been a little while since I posted, but things have been really busy. First off, we just came off a holiday weekend. Whee! I went to the parish of Portland on Friday and Saturday, which is considered the “undiscovered” portion of Jamaica. It is pretty untouched my tourists and it is gorgeous. I stayed at a great lodge called Great Huts, which has several African-themed huts to stay in. I got to take an outdoor shower that you may recall was one of my favorite experiences in Malawi. The lodge has a beautiful beach surrounded by a bunch of cliffs. I actually jumped off one (that was pretty low). It was completely safe, but I had a moment of freak out. This was after I had actually jumped and was heading toward the water. My scream was truly authentic and a quite exhilarating.

One of the unintended byproducts of my trip this weekend is a great appreciation for the American infrastructure. This is something I have realized before, but after a very bumpy long ride to Portland, I was once again singing its praises. And if I ever want to talk about how “bad” Missouri roads are I better at least think twice before seeing it.

The past couple of weeks before break were pretty difficult, mentally. I took a statement from a gentleman whose brother was shot and killed by the police. Listening to him say that “the police will pay for killing me brother” nearly brought tears to my eyes. If I hadn’t been trying so hard to keep it together I would have. It is so sad because I have heard that in the past four years not a single cop has been convicted of killing someone in Jamaica. I don’t hold out much hope for Asquit’s (the brother), and it broke my heart watching his brother demanding justice that may never come.

I have also been learning so much about colonialism in Jamaica, and its aftermath. Slavery really did a job on the island, and the people are still trying to recover. When the slaves were emancipated they were given no training or compensation, and many of these former slaves’ descendents have not advance economically. I am also learning firsthand how the United States economic policies have negatively affected small islands like Jamaica. I always knew intellectually how IMF and World Bank loans keep developing countries in a revolving door of debt, but to see how the United States benefits from this was hard. I don’t know how we as citizens can change this, but I know we have to keep trying.

Today I was at the Bob Woolmer inquest. Woolmer was the English coach of the Pakistani Cricket World Cup Team. The day after they unexpectedly lost, at the Cricket World Cup, which was partly held here in Jamaica, he died. At first Jamaican officials claimed it was foul play, and later said it was of natural causes. Jamaicans for Justice had me in attendance to help keep notes and monitor what happened. We also passed out flyers stating that there are over 4,000 cases in backlog in Jamaica, but because this is a rich white foreigner it has been pushed ahead. It was interesting to say the least, and hopefully it can provide a template for getting through these backlogged cases.

I am still working on getting my pictures on-line. My photo library got corrupted (ok, well I am messed with some files, and I some how corrupted it), and I just got them back. Now I have to go through and re-put them in photo albums and then try to PhotoCast them. Hopefully, time willing, this will happen soon.

Other than that I am traveling to Montego Bay and Negril next week so I get to take a week off from JFJ and UTech. It is will definitely be a well-needed break! I will write again when I can!

My semester is half over, so wish me luck in getting everything in on time. Hope to see you over Christmas. My pictures won't load on the blog right now, so once again, I'll put some up when I can!

If you have 30 minutes...

2007-10-04T19:00:00.000+01:00

I am posting a video report here that is on Jamaica. I ended up having to embedded it here from You Tube, so there are three separate posts dealing with it. The video is from a 3-part series called Unreported World which airs on England's Channel 4. This video gives some insight on many of the problems facing Jamaica currently. It will take you less than 30 minutes to get a glimpse at what I am hearing about pretty often here. In order to give all their due credit here the link you can click on to read about the video and Channel 4. Since I'm not profiting from it, I don't think they'll mind.

I will warn you that this is not pretty; in fact it is pretty depressing. If you watch the video take notice of the political rally. The young woman the reporter talks to is named Tameka and I work with her at Jamaicans for Justice. The video looks at violence in respect to gangs, political parties, and police brutality. The police brutality is one of the main things Jamaicans for Justice deals with. The story you will hear about the brutality is like so many stories I have heard since starting work at my agency.

I do want to stress a few things however. Although this video discusses violence it is in relation to the "garrison" or inner-city districts. I live in a very middle class area and am quite safe. I take general precautions such as not walking alone at night, but I don't deal with this level of violence. I mainly just hear about it. The other thing is that although this video paints certain aspects of Jamaica in a negative light, some parts of it are wonderful. It is truly beautiful here and the people that I have run across have some of the gentlest souls I have ever known. All of my profs, co-workers, and my host family have been wonderful. The language and music is inspiring, and the literary works I have been reading are great. So please (please) don't think that this is all there is to Jamaica. It is so much more than this, but unfortunately the violence is so glaring it tends to overtake everything else.

I will post again soon because I lot of things have been happening. I need a little bit of time to process it all but you'll hear from me soon.

Unreported World: Jamaica: Guns, Votes and Money Part 1 of 3

2007-10-04T18:48:00.001+01:00

Here is the first part.

Unreported World: Jamaica: Guns, Votes and Money Part 2 of 3

2007-10-04T18:45:00.001+01:00

A now for Part Two!

Unreported World: Jamaica: Guns, Votes and Money Part 3 of 3

2007-10-04T18:43:00.001+01:00

Here is Part Three!

Not much new to report

2007-09-27T22:53:00.000+01:00

So, this week, not a lot happened. I didn't take any major trips over the weekend and nothing all that interesting happened at my agency. My roommate and I did do "American" day on Saturday. We went to Wendy's for lunch and then ate ice cream from Baskin Robbins. It was, I must admit, a lot of fun, if not all that exciting.

Jamaica got to me a bit on Tuesday. It took me a long time (about 90 minutes) to get to my agency (I have to take two buses and there is no regular schedule), so I was already pretty hot and tired by the time I got to work. Then at the end of the day I had to commute for another hour across town to pick up a paper from my university, due to miscommunication and technology issues. The public transportation system is not a lot of fun here, but I made it. I think it was just one of those days when things just get to you. In my reflection class (yes, I have to do reflection) we talked about how roughly 5 weeks in or so you tend to hit a wall when you are living in a foreign country. The newness of the situation has worn off and you have time to notice the inefficiencies, or other things that are annoying. This hasn't only been true for me either; it seems like this week each member of my group has picked a day to just feel kind of blah. We're bogged down in homework and getting tired. No worries though, in my case at least it was just like a 24-hour bug, and I was feeling all better by Wednesday.

I did get one major hurdle out the way this week in my Jamaican history class. I had to lead the class on the "Freedom Experiment." I was pretty nervous, but I think it turned out pretty well. If you have any questions on the Abolition of Slavery and its aftermath just ask. Oh, and I learned about Samuel Sharpe and Paul Bogle, who both led rebellions in Jamaica and are two of Jamaica's National Heroes.

The next couple of weeks should make for some more interesting posts. I am going on a trip to see some housing projects in Jamaica on Saturday, a hike up the Blue Mountains to see the sunrise the following weekend, and the weekend after that I will be in Port Antonio which another city on the beach. Oh, and a few weeks after that, I'll be in Montego Bay and Negril.

I am posting a couple of pictures from the Bob Marley museum that is located here in Kingston. I went about a month ago, but the pictures are still cool. I am trying to publish some pictures everyone can see more than what shows up on the blog. The internet, is as usual, a bit slow and that is causing me uploading problems. But as soon as I figure it out, I'll send out the link.

Have a great weekend!

PS-so, the pictures won't upload right now, but I'll put them up when I can.

Ocho Rios and the Supreme Court

2007-09-21T22:45:00.000+01:00

Last weekend a group of us were able to go to Ocho Rios which is on the North Coast of Jamaica. It is one of the major stops for cruise ships when they dock in Jamaica, but luckily for us Saturday is generally a slow day (which seems odd to me). So we were able to enjoy Ochy (as Jamaicans call it) in relative peace. Of course that meant that every street vendor wanted us to come to their shop, but at least it wasn't crawling with people.

The North Coast is beautiful (as you can see in the picture above), but it also shows how much Jamaica's economy is currently in the hands of tourists. There is a mall (an azungu mall, for those that know the term) full of clothes that are way too expensive (and too small) for the average Jamaican to afford. They also have are very stereotypical Jamaican shirts. I still had a good time though, seeing the view and hanging out on the beach.

On Sunday we went to a famous attraction in Ochy called Dunn's River Falls (which is also pictured here). It is a beautiful waterfall with cool water that flows into the sea. We climbed up to the top, and as a bonus we were able to pay the local rate, which was about $8 US cheaper than normal. As you all know I am not the most coordinated of people, but I am proud to report that I did not injure myself. It was a ton of fun and even though it is geared toward tourists who want to say they "saw" Jamaica (seriously, they had a guy video taping us who made us say phrases like "No Problem, Mon)it was totally worth it. I recommend it!

It was back to work on Monday, and this proved to be a very interesting day as well. I got to go to court with the lawyer who works at Jamaicans for Justice. It was the opening day of the Supreme Court session (which is their version of the lower court, or district court). They had an "opening ceremony" with singing which was fun. It is also the first time in Jamaican history that the Chief Justice is a woman, which is pretty awesome. Since Jamaica used to be a British Colony all the lawyers wear the black robes and bow as they go to sit down and when they leave the courtroom. Another odd thing is that lawyers from both sides (Defence and Prosecution) sit on what looks like choir benches with a desk next to each other. The neatest part for me was the fact that the judges wear the white wigs (also due to those British ties). They even have a ceremonial wig (which I saw her wear in the beginning) and a working wig when she got down to business.

Unfortunately the legal system is in desperate need of reform here in Jamaica. There are over 200 cases that need to be tried (in a country smaller than many of our states) and some are several years old. It is notoriously hard to get jurors to show up and serve and often witnesses simply "disappear." I was able to attend about a half an hour of a civil case. It was a little depressing because a gentleman was suing for a what seemed to be around Jamaican $10,000 for medical bills. This sounds like a lot, but is really only $150 US or so. It brings home how much poverty there is in the country.

I have also had a busy week of classes with several papers being due. I have to apologize that this post has come a little late in the week, but internet access has been iffy this week for some reason. To make up for it I will leave you by telling you that as I was walking in front of the US Embassy today (it is in my neighborhood) I completely missed a step up and went flying across the sidewalk. It was reminiscent of my wipe out in Tanzania for those of you that have heard that story. I am sure the Jamaicans were wondering what this crazy American was doing.

Hope all is well and I will post again soon!

Classes Have Started. (Eek!)

2007-09-08T22:49:00.001+01:00

This past week was an almost normal week for me, finally. None of us Americans were allowed to leave the house on Monday because of the Jamaican General Elections. In these elections, held every five years, Jamaicans vote for their area representative in Parliament. In the General Election all 60 seats were up. It is very important for a part to win a majority because the head of the party becomes Prime Minister. So, the people don't actually vote directly for their Head of State, though I guess technically we don't either (darn electoral college). There are two main parties in Jamaica: the Jamaican Labour Party (JLP) and the Peoples' National Party (PNP). It has been a very hotly contested election and it looks like the JLP won. The PNP have been in power for 18 years or so, and I guess people were ready for a change. Oddly there isn't a whole lot of difference philosophically between the two parties so it is hard for me to understand who one would choose. It goes a lot by area here, there are strong JLP and strong PNP areas. There can be a lot of violence on election day which is why we had to stay inside. There were some rumors of gun fire, but nothing too major. Since the election a recount was demanded and now there have been reports of people winning that may actually not be legally able to hold a seat. So, I'll keep you posted on that.

I was finally able to go to my agency, Jamaicans for Justice (JFJ), on Tuesday. I didn't really have a whole lot to do since people were still recovering from the election. I did learn a bit more about the agency. One of JFJ's major areas of focus is in trying to fight police brutality and corruption. The staff lawyer has represented a lot of families that have lost family members due to police violence. They also take phone calls from people that have been victimized and get a lot of info out to the media. JFJ has recently moved into the area of Community Organizing and are going around to very poor towns and teaching people about their Human Rights and how to organize and gain more community resources. It looks like I might get to go to court with the lawyer during some of these cases, and/or go on some of the town meetings. It seems like it will be a good way for me to get out and really see Jamaica, though I am a little worried that it will make me want to go to law school. (That noise you just heard was Kymberly crying out in pain)

The one thing I did get to do on Tuesday was some research on a case that is in the appeals process. Four people were murdered in Crawl (or Kraal, I saw it spelled both ways) Clarendon (which is parish here). It seems as if the police came in, shot these people, and then planted evidence to make it look like these people got killed in a shoot out. And the police won the first time! So, I read some court documents and press clippings. I read a statement from another police officer talking about how he saw others plant this evidence. The legal system is in dire need here. Apparently they want me to also read the court transcript, summarize it, and give my opinion. To be honest that intimidates me a little bit, but it will def. get me involved in the process.

I also had a full set of classes this week. I am taking a lot of classes dealing with Jamaica (the history of Jamaica, the literature of Jamaica, Contemporary Jamaica) and so far they have been very interesting. I have class with only three other people so it is very small and intimate and you have to participate. Though, it isn't like I have a hard time talking. It seems like I will have a lot of papers to write. I suppose this is graduate school.

I have put with this blog some pictures of the little guest house that I live in. It is the front door, the porch, and the back "yard." The house of the family that I live with is about 5 feet from my front door, so we are just a hop, skip, OR a jump away if we need them.

I think that is all for this week. I will update again soon. Keep up the emails or comments, I enjoy them and it gives me a little taste of home.

Missing you.
-Sara

Hurricane Dean and His Aftermath: My first weeks in Jamaica

2007-08-30T23:11:00.000+01:00

Well I have to say that my first couple of weeks in Jamaica have definitely been interesting. I arrived right before Hurricane Dean and have seen first hand the immediate aftermath of a hurricane. Unlike a tornado which just comes up on you, when a hurricane is coming you have a bit of time to prepare. Because of this, my host mother, Mrs. Rattray, had already gotten lots of water and coolers full of ice for us. She also took us (my roommate Rocsy and me) to the grocery store within the first twenty minutes of our arrival on Saturday so we could “stock up.” The day of the hurricane (which was Sunday, August 19) was a real eye-opener for me.

It was pretty windy when I woke up on the day of the hurricane. I asked Rocsy, who is from Puerto Rico and has experienced hurricanes, if this was the hurricane. She laughed and said that it was just the beginning. As the day wore on the wind blew harder, the rain came down heavier, and the true “hunkering” down began. Rocsy and I live in a little apartment off the back of the house so when Mrs. Rattray brought us food around 2 pm she said, “I’ll see ya tomorrow.” We lost power and water around 4 pm and I would say Dean truly greeted us around 6 pm or so. The wind was so loud that we were basically yelling at each other in order to be heard. The curtains were blowing in the wind despite the fact that all of our windows were shut. The rainwater was coming in under our front door so we had a little pond as well. I fell asleep to the sound of Dean around 9 pm or so. I woke up a few times trying to gage where he was and I would say around 9 am the next day things we much calmer—storm wise at least.

Monday started the long stretch known as the “aftermath” which we are still dealing with. Our electricity was restored on Thursday and our water on Friday. I am told that I should consider that a miracle since the last time a hurricane hit Mrs. Rattray was without either for two months. There are still many areas on the island without water and about 30% still don’t have electricity. We still don’t have our phone line back and thus no internet at home. All of the internet providers were down for about a week, but there is a delightful little coffee shop close to my house which has the internet I am now using.

School which should have started this week will officially start next week. I am getting excited to get going and also am fairly nervous. It has been a while sense I have been in school! I have been out to my agency once and will also start there next week. They have a website, so if you want to check it out here ya go:

http://www.jamaicansforjustice.org

I want to thank everyone who sent me emails regarding the hurricane. I promise I will get to all of them as soon as I have more reliable internet. I will also try to get into my habit of updating this site weekly.

Ok, my internet time is up, so I will email you all soon.

A new adventure...

2007-08-19T03:07:00.000+01:00

So here is the happy post I promised. It is going to be pretty short as I need to unpack and get ready for this Hurricane-thingy that is heading Jamaica's way. I had a great week at my M.A. Orientation in Atlanta this week. My classmates have proved to be great people thus far. They are very inclusive which is awesome! I also met a couple of my profs and I am quite looking forward to learning from them. I also have to give a shout-out to Martha and Romelle (who has answered all of my million questions) from the International Partnership of Service-Learning. All around a great group.

I am in Jamaica and with my host family. Kingston is interesting as it is somewhat developed with fast-food restaurants but there is also a lot of poverty. And this is just from my trip here!

I'll post a lot more details later once I have had time to process them!

Saying Good-Bye...

2007-08-10T04:41:00.000+01:00

I waved good-bye to my life in Kansas yesterday. It is hard to believe how fast two and some years go by. It was in 2004 around this time I started contemplating becoming a VISTA and moving to Leavenworth. It is amazing how much things have changed since then--after all I have found something I can be passionate about! I never thought three years ago how long I would end up staying in Leavenworth or how attached I would become. Yes, to Leavenworth, and especially all the people.

So here is where I tell you about all the hard things of the past few days. It was really hard to tell Monica (my Little) bye. I met her when she had just turned 5 and now she is 6 and half and going into first grade. It was one of the more difficult things in my life. It was hard to finally turn in my keys for Saint Mary and truly have that phase in my life over. It was hard to tell Kymberly and Justin au revior, my two constant friends. It was hard telling the other KC kids bye. It was hard to move out of Annie's and realize that we won't be around each other for the first time in two years. It was hard to say bye to Lexi when it seems like she just got back from Africa. It was hard telling everyone I have formed relationships with the past two and half years bye, those of you from USM, BBBS, and the other various places I met you! Heck, it was hard to tell my Starbucks and Cingular co-workers cio-abunga. I'm going to miss good ol' KC and I am definitely going to miss my Chipotle!

So this blog is all about my good-byes, because gosh darn it, I have spent the majority of the last few days either crying or wanting to cry. I promise the next blog, which will be soon, will be much happier. That's because it will be all about new beginnings and the next adventure I will be facing. After all, I was sad to leave all my St. Louis friends and my family two years ago and look what happened. I had a great time, grew personally and professionally a whole lot, and well, met a lot of new friends.

So to all of you friends I was blessed to meet while I was in the Kansas/KC area, I love you and I will miss you! Keep me in your thoughts and/or prayers and keep in touch. You are fabulous people.

See ya!

I'll Miss You Harry (and Ron and Hermione)

2007-08-01T15:45:00.000+01:00

Well it is done. The last Harry Potter book has come and gone and there will be no more. I was so excited for the book, but I was also a little sad. As I read the last pages I was more sad than happy, not because of the ending of the book, but because the books were over. The more I have time to think about it the more I like it. I would say that I loved the first third and the last third of the book. The middle was a little slow, but I just think J.K. Rowling wasn't quite ready to let go either. Anyway despite what I didn't like, it was a great series and a great book. And I will definitively will miss you Harry, Ron, Hermione etc. Three Cheers!

Hot Chip Will Break Your Legs (in a totally sweet way)

2007-06-25T17:50:00.001+01:00

On Saturday I went to the Hot Chip concert in Lawrence. Hot Chip is the lovely little “electric-pop” band made up of five pasty geeky British boys. Needless to say I love them! I saw them last year at Lollapalooza where the pretty much rocked out as much as a band can in an outdoor festival venue. I didn’t know very many songs by them, but this time I had pretty much listened to their entire album, so I am much for familiar with them. Let me just say that everyone needs to listen to these boys! They are so much fun, with lyrics such as “Hot Chip will break your legs, snap off your head,” and yet it really is a nice song. They are totally cute too, in the geeky British sort of way.

Anyway, the video shows a live version of Over and Over, and you can see just how geeky-cute they are.

And here is a picture:

Check ‘em out and I think you’ll see why I can’t stop listening to them.

Starbucks/Cingular

2007-06-06T06:02:00.000+01:00

So, I am now working part-time at Starbucks (well, technically Price Chopper, but I work in the Starbucks and frankly that sounds much "cooler") and at Cingular. I am a certified barista and everything. Honestly, the best part about working at Starbucks is that I am no longer intimidated when I go into a coffee shop. I actually not only know what a latte is (espresso shots, steamed milk, and a little foam), but I know the difference between a latte and a cappuccino ( a cappuccino is espresso shots, foam, and a little steamed milk).

As for Cingular (ahem, at&t) it is just the same old thing. I did it for four years at South County and I'm doing it again. My store in Leavenworth is much slower, though, and that is great. I actually get out on time for the most part!

I'm not sure where I'm going from here but as soon as I know, you'll know.

Welcome!

2007-03-19T02:35:00.000Z

Hello World (or at least friends and family)!

This is my very first blog-post ever. I set this up to make it easier to keep people clued in on my life. I'm not actually sure if anyone cares what is going on but in case someone does I'll just keep blogging away! I am so 21st century huh?

I also think this is a neat way to post pictures and stuff and hopefully I'll be traveling a lot in the near future and I'll have pictures to post. Of fun places like Jamaica, the UK, or Brazil.

Alright until next time I'll leave you with this: "Are you at all concerned about an uprising?"

-Sara